PotterGang

Welcome To Hawgwarts

"You won't be in Slytherin, Albus Severus Potter," said his father, Harry.

"Whatever. The train is about to leave so I have to go," Albus sighed. "Tell mom and whatever my sister's name is that I said bye."

Albus turned and scuttled after his friends to the Hawgwarts train before Harry could even say goodbye.

"I love you, son," Harry whispered.

"Who are you talking to, Harry? Your kids are heading off to school for months and you can't even be bothered to pay them any attention?" Ginny began ranting.

Here we go again, he thought. She couldn't even wait until we got to the car to do this muppet plonker nonsense.

Harry, at this point in the relationship, had realized how well he was actually treated by Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, those beautiful angels.

He and Ginny's marriage went very well for about the first two weeks, which was right before James Sirius Potter, their first child, was conceived. Then, well, it went to Voldemort's nostrils, the insult commonly used nowadays since Voldy is dead and people can actually say his name now.

Harry sighed, but then Hermione and Ron showed up at the perfect time.

"Ginny, look. It's your brother and Hermione, otherwise known as the only people who love me. Let's go talk to them," he suggested.

"Use that tone with me again," she challenged back. Harry ducked his head and ran in fear.

"Harry!" Ron and Hermione said in unison, because that's what ordinary couples do.

"Hey guys!" he replied and hugged them.

Then Ginny approached and automatically switched over to the nineteen-years-ago Ginny, who was nice and sweet and awesome. All of the old friends hugged and chatted.

"Kids already on the train, Hermione?" Ginny asked.

"Yes, they insisted we come early because they are responsible and most perfect children."

"Yeah," Ron agreed as he pulled a half-eaten piece of pizza out of his coat pocket and finished it in two bites. "They are good kids."

"Well, ours are okay, I guess," Ginny sighed. Lily Luna Potter gasped and began crying.

Harry hugged his daughter and tried to convince her that she was a great child.

"Your mother is just going through a rough time," he explained. Ginny slapped him on the back of the head.

***

"I bet you do get sorted into Slytherin," James teased as Albus walked by the Gryffindor table.

"Rose Weasley!" some random woman called out. Rose approached the Sorting Hat and sat down.

"Ravenclaw!" the hat yelled.

A trillion other kids got sorted before Albus Potter was called. He nervously sat down on the stool and the hat was placed on his head.

"Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin." he whispered.

"Not Slytherin? Why does that sound familiar?" the hat asked. "Well, anyways. As you wish. If it's not Slytherin, it's.... HUFFLEPUFF."

The whole school fell silent.

Albus slung the hat out the window.

"HUFFLEPUFF?" he yelled. "VOLDEMORT'S NOSTRILS!"

Albus grabbed a girl by her ponytail and karate-chopped it straight off.

"I WOULD RATHER BE SORTED INTO HYPOGRIFF DUNG!"

The lady calling out names tried to grab him, but he pulled a move straight out of The Matrix and dodged her.

"HUFFLEPUFF IS FULL OF POTATO-SLURPING, MANKY WANKERS!"

"Albus!" James yelled and shot lasers out of his eyes at his brother to stop his angry outbreak.

For the first time in nineteen years, Hawgwarts was in total chaos.