PotterGang

The Chamber of Socrates

Al broke out into one of his fits of rage again.

He pulled Trixie off of his arm, a fang still stuck in the skin, and slapped him against the wall. James tried to laser the back of Albus's head again, but his eyes were out of laser-juice, and he was forced to take his brother down the old fashion way.

That is, screaming until someone stronger came along.

"HELP! HELP! SNAKE ON THE LOOSE. CHAMBER OF SOCRATES IS OPENED AGAIN. Urm.. secrets? SECRETS. YEAH THAT'S IT! THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED AGAIN!"

Teachers and students ran down the hallway to see what all the screaming and snake-to-wall slapping was all about. The faceless headmaster strutted behind the students.

"SILENCCCCCEEEE! SILENCE," he.. she.. it said.

Albus and Trixie stopped wrestling, James stopped screaming, and everyone else stopped whatever they were doing to turn and look at the headmaster.

"What's all this about?" the headmaster said in the same robotic voice.

Trixie bit into Al's arm once again before dropping to the floor and slithering away.

"We'll never find him now! Thanks a lot, you numpty!" Albus yelled at the headmaster.

The teachers and students all gasped and tensed up. A look of horror and rage spread across the headmaster's face.

"AVA--"

"WAIT! DON'T DO IT."

Everyone, including Al and James turned and gasped. Standing before them was Dracolina Malfoy, defending Albus.

"What are you doing here, Dracolina?" the headmaster asked in an annoyed tone.

"You can't kill this boy," Dracolina responded and pulled Al into a hug, pushing his head onto her artificial breasteses. "He's trying to kill my son, Lil Voldy, and he's doing the right thing."

More gasps.

"You aren't telling me that you're in favor of the death of your child? I mean, I want him dead as much as the next guy, but this is your son. Voldemort's nostrils, Dracolina!"

"He's not a good boy. Neither is that snake, but Trixie's better than Lil Voldy ever will be."

Al interrupted, "He seems like an okay kid to me. I'm also in favor of his murder, and he deserves to be destroyed, but he's not a bad person."

Dracolina shoved Albus's face into her chest again, and he could hear her fast heartbeat.

"You don't know him like I do," she sighed. "He only cleaned his room three times a week. He only volunteered at the animal shelter ten times a month. It's lunacy I tell you! Complete lunacy!"

"What?"

"I was so ready for him to get out of the house. I was scared to even be alone with him, with all his generosity and kind smiling. It was horrible."

Everyone was shuffling around, confused.

"That isn't even the worst part. Lil Voldy has secrets, and so do I! They need to be told!"

"This isn't a good id--" Al tried to say, but Dracolina kept crying and babbling on.

"Lil Voldy... isn't my son."

Everyone gasped.

"He's just Nagini reincarnated by Voldemort after he was ripped to shreds by your dad. Lil Voldy doesn't know that, though."

"M... Mommy?" Lil Voldy was standing behind the sea of students.

"Ah, blimey o'reilly. Hi, honey."

"Why... did you just say that?"

"Lil Voldy. Everyone, sit down. I need everyone to know something."

Everyone sat down where they stood.

"I... am not transgender Draco Malfoy. Draco is living off somewhere with his wife and son. The truth is... I am Luna Lovegood."

Screams erupted from the crowd.

"I've always been jealous of Draco," Luna explained. "He was so fabulous and I wanted to be cool. So, when Lil Voldy was reincarnated, he was supposed to be sent to the real Draco. I wanted to be Draco and have his son so badly that I pretended to be Dracolina. It worked. Draco still has no clue where his second son is."

Professor Longbottom emerged from the end of the hallway. Luna turned and smiled.

"Also, I couldn't accept the fact that Neville didn't love me."

P. Longbottom and Luna ran into each other's arms, everyone dumbfounded. Lil Voldy was crying and screaming Trixie's name. Albus really wished he could magic all that snot away. 

"I am sorry, son! P. Longbottom and I are running away together. Goodbye!" Luna yelled.

"But... WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE?" Lil Voldy cried.

Albus sat back and sighed.

"So many plot twists."