PotterGang

Hotline Bling Avada Kedavra

Trixie was eventually found curled up in a urinal the next morning. Lil Voldy accidentally peed on the snake a little bit, but the two were happy to be reunited after the tragic events of the day before.

Lil Voldy found out that his whole life was a lie. It wouldn't have been so bad if his fake not transgender mom wouldn't have completely abandoned him to run away with her long time crush, Professor Neville Longbottom. Lil Voldy also found out that he was a failure, and that everyone including his fake mom had been plotting to murder him. If only he would've went the extra mile and cleaned his room four times a week, maybe things would be different.

Albus, James, and Trixie were each given a week of detention for causing such a disruption throughout Hawgwarts. Albus also had to return to the hospital wing to get treated for rabies from Trixie's bite.

Lil Voldy was preparing to head to Herbology class. Since Trixie was being contained and investigated, Lil Voldy was forced to walk to class alone. When he arrived and entered the building, he was surprised to see that P. Longbottom was preparing to teach the lesson of the day.

"Didn't you run away with my mom just yesterday?" Lil Voldy asked him.

"Yeah, well. We made it half a mile away from Hawgwarts when she was arrested by the ministry for the impersonation of Draco Malfoy," P. Longbottom explained. "Also, she was charged with kidnap and child abuse. She's in Azkaban because of you. So, why don't you take a seat? You little rat."

Lil Voldy was shocked. He couldn't believe the only family he'd ever known was now locked away, and he was being blamed for it. Lil Voldy sighed and took a seat next to Albus, who was talking to James and Rose.

"Hey, Lil Voldy," Albus said sheepishly. "We're all really sorry for what happened yesterday."

"I'm not," Rose snapped. Albus rolled his eyes and ignored her.

"Anyways, I hope we can still be friends."

Lil Voldy raised his eyebrows.

"Didn't you say you wanted to kill me? That I 'deserved to be destroyed'?"

Albus laughed awkwardly.

"Well, yeah. But I also said that I didn't think you were a bad person. I don't want to murder you as much now that you've been abandoned by your family. It's pretty cool that you used to be Voldemort's pet snake, though, right?"

Lil Voldy was about to start crying again when Professor Longbottom cleared his throat.

"Alright, class. It appears that there has been a petty rumor going around that I'm going to be fired due to the events of yesterday, when I abandoned my teaching position for a love that lasted five minutes. Well, I'm here to tell you: that's probably true," P. Longbottom sighed. "Anyway, enough about that. Let's get on with class. Turn to page 394."

Rose opened the book to the instructed page and immediately raised her hand.

"Professor, this chapter is about how to make cigarettes from tobacco plants."

"Whoops," P. Longbottom laughed. "I meant for you all to turn to page 420. My mistake."

The class did as instructed. Rose raised her hand again.

"Professor, this chapter is about mari-"

"I KNOW WHAT I'M ABOUT, SON."

***

Hermione and Ron sat on the couch eating ravioli.

"Honey," Hermione began. "I'm a bit worried about Rose. We haven't heard from her in ages. I heard there were some fights going on at Hawgwarts, too."

Ron shoved a forkful of ravioli in his mouth and turned to his wife.

"I'm shthure the's fine, Huwmynee," he said as he chewed his food.

"Things sure have changed from when we were students at Hawgwarts. It's so violent now," Hermione sighed.

"Yeah. Those kids should be sneaking into the Forbidden Forest and using time turners to rescue escaped murderers. There's no telling what they're up to now," Ron said in agreement.

***

Coincidentally, the four of them got their hands on the Marauder's Map and planned to sneak out of the school while everyone was asleep.

James would be the lookout, Albus and Rose would help initiate the plan, and Lil Voldy would sit with his trap shut.

Once they finally got outside, they began to run freely and happily. That was, until Lil Voldy tripped and activated a trap door which he fell down into. Immediately afterwards, the door to the old hut down the hill creaked open.

"I thought that place was abandoned," Albus whispered, frightened.

"Legend has it," Rose whispered back. "that Old Man Hagrid still lives in it, surviving only off of the rats that fall into the... trap door."

Rose, Albus, and James all screamed in unison and began to run around wildly. They were too weak to escape the strong grip of Old Man Hagrid's hands, though. They were being dragged backwards, too exhausted to scream anymore. When they opened their eyes, they were sitting on the couch inside the small hut. A large man with a thick grey and black beard sat in front of them.

"Would yer like some tea?" Old Man Hagrid asked the three of them. They all shook their heads.

"Where's Lil Voldy?" Albus cried. "Please don't eat us."

Old Man Hagrid began to laugh, holding his huge belly. It almost reminded Rose of her father's beer gut.

"I won't eat yer. Yer friend should be wakin' any second now. What're you kids doin' out and abou' so late? It's too dangerous for yer onomatopoeia photosynthesis."

The kids sat frozen in fear.

"Don' let me catch yer kids sneakin' around anymore," Old Man Hagrid told them. "I should report yer to the headmaster, but I won't... on one condition."

"What?" Rose, Albus, and James all asked at the same time.

"Albus, yer have ta go ter Quidditch tryouts, make the team, and win Gryffindor the Quidditch cup."

"But," Albus began. "I'm a Hufflepuff."

"Do yer wan' ta be reported or not?!" Old Man Hagrid asked.

So, Albus promised he would win the cup.

Somehow.