PotterGang

Plots Against Trixie

"But.. Voldemort died before Draco was even an adult," Albus attempted to reason with Lil Voldy Mort.

"That doesn't mean anything," he replied.

"So... Draco was actually Dracolina the whole time?"

"No. She got the change when she was twelve."

"Oh okay. That makes no sense and goes against Draco Malfoy's character entirely but I think what you're saying is logical."

Lil Voldy kissed Trixie on the head.

"Yeah. My dad died before I was born I think. I've no idea how I was conceived. But he was a great dad. He used to play catch with me in the backyard and he used to grill the best BBQ."

"Lil Voldy, you literally just said your dad died before you were born. How could he have played catch with you or grilled BBQ for you?"

"Al, please don't make fun of my dad like that. He was a great dad."

"He murdered half the school--"

Then Lil Voldy started crying. He got up, sat down on his bed and then hid himself under the covers. Trixie slithered out from under them and attempted to curl up on Lil Voldy's bald head.

***

Al decided to tell James and Rose about the quest to kill Lil Voldy.

"Um. Why do we have to kill him?" Rose asked.

"Shut up, Rose. Just because he's your boyfriend's twin brother doesn't mean you have to protect him," Albus spat.

"Scorpius and Lil Voldy aren't twins."

"Shut up, you idiot girl!" Al commanded.

{TWO. HOURS. LATER.}

After emerging from the hospital wing, Albus met James in the corridor.

"I was diagnosed with a broken leg, a broken arm, head trauma, and possibly Alzheimers."

"How do you get Alzheimers from getting beat up by Rose?

"Sure, whatever. Ok, now back to the mission. Will you or will you not help me murder Lil Voldy?" Albus asked.

"Oh, sure. No problem."

"How will we go about it?"

"We could make Trixie kill him."

Albus threw his hands up.

"And just how are we going to do that, James?"

"Blimey, you British wanker rat. Obviously we tell Trixie that Lil Voldy was gossiping about him. Trixie will be so mad that he will latch onto Lil Voldy's bald head and kill him."

***

Albus and James went to the Hufflepuff Hangout to locate Lil Voldy. He was still underneath the covers of his bed, crying.

Al said, "Lil Voldy. I'm very sorry for hurting your feelings. If you'll let me, I'd like to hold Trixie now."

Lil Voldy popped out from underneath the covers and pulled Trixie off of his head. Al walked over and grabbed him.

"Oh, what's that, Trixie? You want to take a bath? Okay. If you insist. We'll be back later, Lil Voldy."

Before Lil Voldy could protest, Al and James ran away with the baby snake.

"Whew, that was a close one," said James.

They sat down on a bench in the hall and Al held Trixie up.

"OK, Trixie. We need to tell you something. It might be hard to believe, but it's true. Here it goes: Lil Voldy called you an idiot and said you like to dress up in Professor McGonagall's high heels."

James and Al both faked a gasp.

Trixie said nothing.

"And... he said you hate Doctor Who and everything else on the BBC!"

Trixie hissed and bit into Al's arm.