The Girl

THIRTEEN: MISGUIDED GHOSTS

"I'm going away for a while, but I'll be back. Don't try and follow me 'cause I'll return as soon as possible. See, I'm trying to find my place, but it might not be here where I feel safe..."

SONG: MISGUIDED GHOSTS

ARTIST: PARAMORE

"Leave me alone," I grumbled while Calum and Michael tried to get me out of bed. "Get me my girlfriend back and I might let you be around me."

Calum huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. It had been about a week and I was going through the whole 'I just got dumped' phase. I had been in the same clothing for four days, my body felt heavy, and all I could do was lay on Brianna's side and inhale her scent for as long as it was there for.

I felt pathetic and vulnerable and all I could do was stare at pictures of her on my phone and all the selfies she took while I wasn't looking. I was lingering on her loud and obnoxious laugh and her eccentrically colored hair, and the way she complained when she stabbed herself in the eye while she did her make-up or took thirty-five minutes to choose the color of lipstick she wanted.

She hadn't even texted me. I guess that's where we were alike; we were good at pretending someone doesn't exist.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" Calum asked, ripping the sheets off of my body. "And also, if she didn't come back by now then did she ever really like you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just fuck off, okay? She was--She still is a big deal to me and at least when she was around I didn't feel shitty."

Calum frowned while I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. I didn't want to move from my bed. I just wanted to keep writing songs about how I wanted Brianna to be in my bed.

"We need to go record the rest of the album and then send out our first single," Michael explained and gave me a pleading look. "We can use Calum as target practice later when we test out our new BB guns."

My teeth sunk into my bottom lip. My two best friends looked at me, even Calum who had been used as bait. They were worried about me, and really, I couldn't blame them. Brianna was the only girl I had really liked in about three years and then she just broke my heart--in front of all my mates too.

Really, I should have disliked her, but I couldn't. I wanted her back, that's what was on my mind.

"Fine, but I have to run an errand really quick," I told them and picked myself off of the bed. My best friends stared at me for a few seconds before I was sighing and turning to Calum. "I forgive you. You were doing what you thought was best and I'm okay with that."

"Seriously? You're forgiving me?"

"You wanted me to visit my mum," I explained and then shrugged my shoulders. "No harm in that. It's just something I don't want to do anymore."

Calum stared at me while I forced my jeans over my legs.

"You're just gonna forget her like that?" Calum asked, a little terrified. I shook my head. "Then what? You're going to let her deteriorate in your memory?"

I stopped in my place and took a deep breath. My eyes scanned the dark wood of my apartment's floor. "There isn't a day that passes or a night that goes where I don't think of my mum. She's dead, Calum, and I can't do shit about it. She's my nightmares, and she's my greatest dream,"

Calum just stared at me.

"And my mum will always be my greatest friend and I know for a fact she would beat me if I kept dwelling on her being dead," I finished and bit down on my lip. "Like I said before, I need to run errands and I will meet you down at the studio."