The Girl

THIRTY-FOUR: CHERRY WINE (LIVE)

"Her eyes and words are so icy, oh, but she burns like rum on the fire. Hot and fast and angry as she can be, I walk my days on a wire..."

SONG: CHERRY WINE (LIVE)

ARTIST: HOZIER

"Get the baby seat," I told her and stood, rushing past her and into the living room. Brianna was walking behind me with what I asked for and I set Noah inside of it, her eyes fluttering closed as I strapped her inside.

I went into the guest bedroom and pulled out another shirt, pulling it over my head before grabbing my converse and forcing them onto my feet. She watched silently, swallowing.

"Luke,"

"The ring isn't mine, Brianna," I practically snapped. I was a little angry at the way she reacted. As if everything she had said beforehand was now thrown out the window and I was looking at the reality of everything. "It's for Ashton's Bryana."

"I'm sorry—"

"Stop," I told her and stood to my feet. "Just stop telling me what I want to hear, Brianna, because I don't think I can take you lying to me anymore. Tell me you don't want fucking marriage. Don't lie to my fucking face."

I brushed past her, storming down the hallway and into the living room. I lifted Noah's car seat and started toward the front door.

"You stop," She snapped at me and took Noah away, placing her gently on the couch. She stirred, but remained asleep. "I panicked because I—I don't know if I'm ready Luke. I want it, but being ready and wanting something are two different things."

"Then please tell me that because I'm tired of guessing and being wrong," I practically sobbed. "I'm tired of wanting everything you don't."

"Luke,"

"Give me the baby,"

"No, you're not leaving until we get past this," She nearly yelled. Still, Noah didn't wake. She was just as heavy of a sleeper as her dad. "You're not running away."

"I'm not fucking running away," I snarled and reached for Noah's baby seat, pushing Brianna's hands away when she tried to take Noah away. "You runaway, Brianna. You're the one who doesn't want to deal with our problems and I'm the idiot that always gives you what you want."

"Are you serious?" She asked, giving me a skeptical look. "God, you fucking think you've provided for me the entire time? Stop placing yourself on some pedestal, Luke. Your fucking ego isn't making you look good."

"Stop being such a bitch about it," I snapped and set Noah down. "I'm trying here and you're being an asshole. I was wrong, earlier," I took a cautious step forward. "It's me against you and the world. And that's what's wrong here. Not the fact that you told want to marry me or that we can't make plans without fighting... It's that you'll always be against me and I don't know if I can do that anymore."

"That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me," She admitted and gave me a broken stare. "You say all of this as if I've never loved you, or if I currently don't. And that's the meanest thing you've ever said. You're looking at me as if you hate me."

Immediately, I frowned. My entire outlook on her softened. "Brianna."

"Go give Ashton the ring. You can leave Noah here," She whispered and wiped the tears away before I could. I nodded and handed her the car seat. "I'll order Chinese."

I left the apartment before I could say anything else. When I got to her car, I exhaled and ran my fingers through my hair. I knew I shouldn't have said any of that. Every single part of me was yelling and scolding me for having said what I did. Everything that she had said was correct. It had been the meanest thing I had ever said to her and I felt bad for it. Marriage; she wanted it, but it was true—Were either of us ready for what it brought?

We were just about to move in together, we're going to get used to the idea of paying bills, rent, cars, and food. I swallowed and turned on the car before making way to Ashton's shared apartment with Bryana.

*

When I returned, she was sitting on the floor with the food spread over the coffee table. I made sure she heard me closing the door. I kicked off my shoes and took of my jacket, making way toward her. I sat myself behind her, laying my head on her upper back.

"I'm sorry for saying everything," She whispered and I felt her heave. "I just—I don't know what I want from the world, but I'm sure I want you."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her waist. "You shouldn't be apologizing," I told her. "I should be apologizing. I was the one who said the worst thing out of the both of us. You made entire sense."

She turned and placed herself on my lap. She took a forkful of food and placed it inside of my mouth. I smiled slightly, chewing slowly.

"We both said really shitty things, things we have to get through," She told me and ran her fingers through my flattened hair. I closed my eyes, sinking in her touch as she scratched my scalp softly. "And we'll get through them. We may fight a lot, but I have faith in us."

"I do, too," I whispered and ran my thumb over her bottom lip. Her breathing was soft, hands coming to cup my face just as I swallowed what was left of the food she had fed me. "You're my entire life. I can't think of anything before you anymore, and if I do, it's like you're incorporated in them because of how much you've become a part of me."

She grinned and pressed her forehead against mine. "I don't think we'll ever stop fighting," Brianna admitted. "We'll always fight and we'll always end up here. Right here, in each other's arms and that's why I know we'll always be okay."

I nodded and brought her mouth tenderly against mine. Slowly, I pressed her against me, guiding her hips back and forth. She exhaled, eyes closed and fingers scratching my beard.

"Let me make it up to you, baby," I whispered in her ear and smirked when I heard her whimper at the sound of my voice. "It's all about you, darling."

I touched her over the material of her jeans, applying pressure there. Brianna rocked her hips back and forth gently, moving my hands away and then just stopped all together. She was crying.

"I want to give it all to you, Luke," She whispered and gave me a desperate look. "You're the only person in my life I want to impress and I'm failing. You looked at me like you hated me and that scared me the most out of our entire fight."

I winced and cupped her face, wiping her tears away. She leaned into my touch and sobbed. I brought her forward and kissed her forehead.

"I don't hate you. If there's one thing I could never do is hate you," I assured her and made her look at me. "Do you understand, Brianna?"

She choked on a sob and nodded her head, pressing her cheek against my chest. I ran my fingers through her hair, rocking her back and forth until she was sniffling. Her arms were wrapped around my torso and I was stroking her hand and rubbing her back until she was asleep. I kissed the top of her head, wondering what the fuck I was going to do with myself in order to prove just how important she was to me.

I adjusted her so I could pick us both up off the floor. She wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face there, exhaling softly.

"I love you," I whispered and kissed her head. "So much, baby."

"They way she tells me I'm her and she is mine, open hand or closed fist would be fine. The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine..."