True Confessions of Mad People

Confession 5

Wow, Arcie, what do I say? 

That is quite the situation...

Don't be mad that I'm laughing here!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's been happening to me too long; my love life is going nowhere. AT ALL. So I thought there must be something wrong with my ways, and decide to talk to someone about it. 

I went on the internet and searched for a love therapist...after some time, I found one.

Dr. Tache Hilburn.

I knocked on the door, which was promptly opened, and I stepped inside.

The office caught me off-guard completely: RED sofa, GREEN walls and poka dot curtains. What the ... what even?

And to top it all off, there was a giant fuzzy moustache above the door from which I just entered. Definitely the strangest office I'd ever seen, no doubt. 

Anyways, I settled down, trying not to think about my absurd surroundings.

"Hello Dr. Hilburn," I said to a chair whose back was turned to me.

The chair responded and slowly turned towards me, revealing a girl, about 22 or 23 years of age, long black hair and bright blue eyes. 

"I've been expecting you." She said, one of her legs folded over the other, and her fingers tapping against each other. 

I laughed at her grave expression, and she raised an eyebrow. 

"So what is your dilemma, young one?" She asked in the same low tone she spoke with before.

"Wait, aren't you going to ask for my name, or something?" 

"No."

"Well...um...okay then. I have issues with my love life-"

"No shit."

"No, well, I mean like whenever I try to make a move or go on dates, it all just messes up, and...I have the worst luck with love!" I sighed, throwing my hands in the air in frustration.

"Well, who have you tried dating?" She said, eating a chocolate that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

"Girls." I said and rolled my eyes.

"Ha. No wonder you aren't getting anywhere!" She said, and laughed a hearty laugh, almost falling off her chair. 

Dude no joke, this lady laughed for HALF AN HOUR STRAIGHT. There were tears in her eyes she was laughing so bad. 

She stopped abruptly and examined my face for a moment, as if trying to read something that was written on it.

"You have to widen your options."

"WHAT? You mean date guys as well!? I'm not gay!" I shrieked in horror.

"No, not just human beings, but like inanimate objects too!" 

I stared at her face for a good minute, trying to make sense of what she had just said.

"Date objects?" I asked suspiciously. She nodded.

"Wait...um...look at this..." She suffled around some papers in a drawer and pulled out a photo.

"This is my boyfriend, Red." She said, passing the picture to me.

I stared at the picture in disbelief, then back at her face.

She was blushing.

What the hell did I get myself into?!

"Yea...we've been dating for 8 months now...no complaints or fights! Perfect relationship!" She said, and giggled. 

"Well, yea, HE'S A POLE!" I almost screamed at her.

"Yea, so what? All you human beings keep giving each other love; we are the most loved species on earth, and even animals get their fair share of love! But when it comes to inanimate objects, no one seems to care. It's like they were only there to fulfil a purpose. After it's done, they are thrown away, no thoughts given to their feelings whatsoever. I'm different, and I fall in love with only inanimate objects. Sorry if that disturbs you. Now, excuse me, but if you're done, the door is that-a-way." She said, and pointed at the door beneath the mustache.

I got up, sighing, and left quietly.

------------------------------------------

ARGH ARCIE WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP MEETING ALL THESE RANDOM MAD CREEPS LIKE WHAT THE HELL!!!

Gosh.

Jonah c: