Suicidal Tendencies-Jalex

6.

Alex's POV

It was my third day and I honestly kinda wished I didn't have to leave in two days. Everyone at the hospital was either really entertaining or really understanding. Like there was this one guy who had manic depression so he was usually really hyped and happy and always rapping about something but some days he would get so low and depressed and I hoped I would never be like him. I feel like it'd be so much harder to go from being extremely happy to extremely sad. At least I'm sad almost all the time, not only certain days.

Jack and I had also gotten really close. We played twenty questions the last 2 days to get to know each other and now we would just talk about anything. If I was being honest, I might have a slight crush on him. I mean how could you not? He was adorable and sweet and even though his disorder made him repeat the last thing you said it's not like he could control that. He physically couldn't do anything to stop it. The doctors say he should grow out of it by the time he's between 18 and 20 but for now he was stuck with slowly progressing. He mentioned to me once that when he was young it was so bad because he couldn't talk to anyone without repeating their words while they were still speaking. He's also touched on the fact that his parents are total assholes to him and that's why only his sister comes to visit. I feel bad for the boy yet I know he wouldn't want me to pity him. So, I go on with our conversations growing more and more attached the more I get to know about him.

I think my favourite part of the day is when he's drawing. Wether it be me or whatever catches his interest. It's so fascinating to see him get so involved in something so simple yet difficult at the same time. I've tried drawing before and it has never worked out in my favour and to see Jack just sit down with a dull pencil and a piece of paper and create a beautiful almost realistic picture in the matter of minutes is amazing. It's breath taking really.

Currently we're playing cards with two other patients, Martha and Skull. If you were to look at the two you would never guess that they're the sweetest people ever. Martha used to be a psychiatrist until her own personal paranoia made her stir crazy inside her own house. I guess the stress of helping other people with their own issues got too much for her and she ended up here. As for Skull, well he looks like what you'd expect a guy named Skull to look like. Heavy tattoos everywhere and shaved head, always wearing leather or black clothing. He's pretty intimidating too. If Jack had never dared me to ask him to play cards id never have considered talking to him. But here we all are now, sitting playing some card game id never heard of till coming here, chatting and goofing off. Surprisingly enough, I think my favourite memories are of this place so far. It's got structure and schedule, there's good people who understand and there's Jack. It was in this moment that I realized I needed to be able to call Jack mine. Watching him try to keep Skull from crying and Martha from cheating yet laughing at the same time was amazing. And although he repeated their words under his breath he didn't pinch himself as much. I came to realize that the pinching was not from the Tourretts but from himself, he was chastising himself for having no control over  his mind. I liked that he was too caught up with everything going on to actually hurt himself. No one would realize it but pinching yourself can be just as bad as cutting. Just because it does not cause bleeding it's the thoughts behind it. Jack was hurting himself for the pure reason that he repeated words. It's not like he was hurting anyone or causing trouble. Even though he knew this he still blamed himself. I hated knowing he was going through pain. It made my heart ache.

We continued to play for another half hour or so until it was pill time. For this, we all stood in line while the nurses handed out water and a cup of pills to each patient. When I went up to get mine Jack was already back at our table. The nurse looked up and me and gave a sweet smile which I returned. "You've helped him a lot you know." she gestured towards the dark haired boy. I gave her a questioning look as I did my best to swallow the pills. "He used to never come out of his room unless it was time to eat. He'd barely talk to anyone in fear of judgement. We were all pretty worried about the boy. But now that you've come he's bright and happy. It's the old Jack that we haven't seen in awhile. So thank you." she smiled again and I gave a shyer one back. Jack was really that ashamed that he would hide in his room? I never knew it was that bad. I guess it was to be expected though. He was never really shown that it's okay to be a little different. Especially when you can't control it. when did you become so soft? When I realized I shouldn't be such an ass like Cameron. It never bothered you before. you used to complain about your mother never understanding. looks like the tables have turned. Yeah for the better. are you sure? Positive.

This argument continue the entire way back to Jack and I's table. Thankfully I didn't talk aloud this time. I've done that a few too many times and it always leads to people thinking I need more medical care. The one thing that surprised me was that the last few days I haven't heard much from the voice. I mean yeah it was still there nagging at me every now and again but if I was caught up in a conversation with Jack it almost never bothered me. Even when I went to sleep it wasn't as persistent. Wether it was the drugs or Jack I couldn't care less. As long as both stayed in my life so that I didn't go down that awful spiral again.