I wasn't quite sure how, but I woke up in my bed with Wyatt sleeping peacefully on my chest. I looked around my room and spotted my completely packed suitcase sitting in the corner and sighed. I'd probably spend the day unpacking before I did much of anything else. I carefully moved Wyatt to the pillow next to me and got up to see if anything I'd packed was even worth unpacking. Most of the stuff I'd packed weren't my aesthetic, but I shoved them into drawers anyway while some DJ's Artist Mix played from my laptop. Halfway through all the t-shirts I'd packed, there was a knock on my door.
"Yeah," I called without looking away from my almost empty suitcase.
"I found these," Alex's voice cracked. "I thought you'd want to have them."
I turned around to see him holding 2 shirts: Scott's favorite clouded sweater, and the shirt Scott was wearing in the very first episode of superfruit, still with it's buttons falling off and a small tear in the armpit. I sighed and took them from Alex's hands. Scott always had a way of washing clothes that made them feel like pillows against your skin and his cloud sweater felt like what it looked like.
"Thank you, Alex." I nodded at him as he did the same. He watched me walk over and hang up Scott's army fatigue shirt and pull the cloud sweatshirt over my half naked body. Where the hell was my shirt?
"It's too big for you," he laughed. "You look like his girlfriend."
"Last time I wore this, it fit." I said dryly. I looked down at my sweater paws and sighed while my mind drifted back.
I could still remember Scott complaining when I'd asked to wear this sweater that Halloween. He was very particular about his sweater, but I eventually swayed him, like I always did. Of course, he had a long list of rules that included 'don't wear my sweater' after I already had it on. He was rediculous. I missed his presence so much.
"He really is gone..." I choked as I started to cry again.
Alex gasped and pranced over to me, hugging me against his chest and shushing me gently. I had never felt more at fault for anything in my life. Scott, Kirstie, Avi, and Kevin would never want to see me this way, but I felt so weak without them around. If Scott or Avi heard I hadn't sung in a year, they'd force me to sing for hours and applaud every wrong note I croaked with my weak voice. I wondered if it even sounded good anymore, but I was too afraid to find out. Being on stage without them... Singing in general without them made me feel so lonely. What was the point?
I let go of Alex and dried my face, being careful not to get any tears on Scott's... on my sweater. Time passed with Alex watching me unpack and mocking all my high school clothes I'd left behind in case I was stranded in Texas. Eventually, he left to take care of something in another room and I decided to make a run for the Starbucks nearby. I grabbed my purse and headed out after letting Alex know I was leaving.
I almost mindlessly made the short walk and entered the small shop to stand in the line that didn't exist, since it was in the middle of the day.
"Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get you?" They said with a warm smile. They seemed young and really sweet and it made the atmosphere of the room just a little brighter.
"Hi! I'd like a Skinny Mocha and-..." It was such a reflex to order two coffees. I sighed and looked down at the gold member Starbucks card I'd pulled out my purse and back up to the kind kid behind the counter. "Actually, that's it. Just the Mocha."
"Sure thing. What's your name?"
"Mitch," I added before handing them my card as they took off to making my coffee. I sighed and started to walk around while I waited. I briefly thought about how it was going to feel when I was having a bad day and woke up without a coffee sitting on my table labeled 'My Love' in some stranger's handwriting. With each touching thing he did for me being nothing more than a memory in the back of my mind, I started to feel absurdly lonely.
"Moya!" A voice called. I turned quickly to see the familiar face dashing to grab her coffee before sitting down at a table and pulling out her laptop. She looked stunning in her business suit.
"Mitch!" The same voice belted, like I wasn't standing right there. I took my coffee and cautiously walked over to Moya's table.
"Moya," I greeted her happily.
"Mitch!" She hopped up from her seat and hugged me. "I was just thinking about you. Are you doing okay?"
"A lot better actually. Still a little shaky, but..." I smiled sadly and sat down across from her.
"You seem to be doing a lot better though," she praised.
We chatted for a while while drinking our coffees, before she had to run of for some business adventure I'd make up in my head on my walk home. I walked in the door and Alex was sitting on the couch, hugging a pillow and watching what would have been out tour documentary. The abrupt ending made the video much sadder to watch, but seeing myself happy...
I sat down next to Alex and he dropped his pillow and replaced it with me. We sat there crying and watching movies Scott would usually pick on movie night until we both fell asleep leaning on each other and cuddling. I hadn't slept that peacefully in a long time.
I woke up in the dark living against a very familiar body shape. I hugged closer and my disoriented, sleepy mind made me believe what the rest of me knew was a lie. I looked up at Alex's face and felt another strong wave of depression hit me. I moved away from him, not wanting to be reminded of being in Scott's arms, my best friend's arms. I hugged myself and cried until Alex woke up from lack of warmth.
"Mitch?" He said in his raspy morning voice. He exhaled when he realized what was going on and hugged me again. "I'm sorry. I know."
I softly hit his chest with the side of my fist and sobbed into him. There was nothing else I could do. I would never have another group of friends like them. They were everything I could have ever asked for. They were perfect.
