Dreaming of Rebelling (Destiel Highschool AU)

The Emotion of Necessity

Cas's POV

All I want is him
But he doesn't want me
He says he loves me
But they are lies
All lies
So many lies
Drowning in lies
Killing myself with lies

I have read this journal front to back, understanding each word carefully. Absorbing the definitions of these passages.

I never want Dean to feel this way. The way I felt for so long. I need to do something. I want him to be okay.

Deans POV

What if he hates me now. What if I'm too broken to fix. What if he doesn't want to fix me. I shouldn't leave it up to him to fix me.  I just need someone to talk to. Some one that won't leave me or brush it off. I would tell Sammy, but it's my job to take care of him. I can't put this into him. He's been through enough. He's going through enough.

Buzzzzzzzzzzz
Buzzzzzzzzzzz
Buzzzzzzzzzzz

My phone went off, vibrating the table I sat at. I sort of didn't want to check it in fear of it being Cas. I picked up my phone. The caller ID reading Cas❤️.

"Fuck." I sighed.

I swiped to answer.

"Hello?" I asked but I knew who it was.

"Hey Dean." He sounded sorta sad. "I was wondering if you could meet me at the coffee shop again? I'll pay if you want. I just really want to see you." I thought about it.

"You don't hate me?" I don't know why I said it. It just fell from my lips.

"Of course I don't. I love you so much. Why would you think that?" He sounded kind of hurt.

"I don't know. I just....I don't know."

"Just meet me in 45 minutes. Okay?" 

"Okay."

There was a long pause. I was waiting for him to say goodbye.

"Are you gonna say goodbye?" I questioned.

"I never do, Dean."

"Come to think of it you don't. Why not?"

He paused.

"I don't like goodbyes. Goodbye means forever."

I took a moment to process that.

"How about see you later?"

"I don't want to make promises I can't keep."

"You're a big teddy bear, Cas. I love you."

"I love you more."

"What if I love you was out own way of saying goodbye without saying goodbye to each other?"

I waited for his answer.

"I'd love that, Dean."

"I love you more."

"I love you most."

And with that he ended the call.

****the cafe****

I saw Charlie's VW Beetle parked across the street so I knew she'd be in. It had been a gloomy day but nice weather. Gloomy days reminded me of that day back at the lake with Cas. I knew he wanted to talk but I was afraid about what.

I walked into the door with the ring of the bells signifying the cafe had a new customer. Charlie greeted me with a smile and sat me down at a table. I heard another ring of the bells to see Castiel looking over at me with his beautiful blue eyes. He walked over to me and nodded at Charlie as a hello.

"Hey Dean." Cas smiled at me and sat down.

"Hi Cas." I couldn't help but get lost in the deep pools he called eyes. I swear every constellation known to man was in his eyes, reflecting the light perfectly, giving them a dimension.

He pulled out my journal from a brown satchel he had around him. He slid it across the table to me. "I understand completely, Dean. It's okay because I am right here."

My eyes were stinging with the familiar feeling of tears. No one had ever said that to me before. My hand slid to my journal but he grabbed it and kissed it.

"Whatever you brain is telling you is not true," my eyes fell to the floor. He lifted my chin up with his finger so that green could meet blue. "I don't care if the rest of the world doesn't want you here, I do. I love you Dean. I need you Dean." That one word changed everything. Love was such a natural word for us to use, but to fell needed, to feel like you have purpose to the person you love is what changes my perspective on this relationship. I was needed by someone. I was desired. I was important.

A hot tear slipped my eye. I didn't look away from him, yet alone blink. He wiped the tear with his thumb and I leaned into his palm with my eyes closed.

"I need you, too Cas. I need you badly." Another tear slipped.

"I'm right here, Dean. I'm right here." He held my hands. Charlie approached us but then backed off once she saw the condition the conversation was in. Cas got up and pulled me along out the door. The ring of the bells signaled our departure with the coffee shop.

He wrapped his arms around me. He was smaller than me, but it felt like the universe pulled me in for a warm hug. "I love you, Dean. I need you here with me. Dean, promise you will stay here on Earth?" He muffled into my grey Lana Del Rey shirt.

"I promise, Cas. I promise for you." I kissed his head.

"No Dean. Promise for you." He looked up at me with red puffy eyes. The red drowned out the blue, blurring the twinkle of the constellations.

"I promise, Cas. I promise." He put his head on my chest.

"I can hear your hear beat, Dean. It's comforting." Cas mumbled into my shirt. It was a little wet from his tears. People were looking at us because we were hugging and crying in front of a cafe and I guess that was uncommon.

"Let's go to my house, Dean. We can talk more over there. I know my brothers are out. I actually think Gabe is with Sam." He grabbed my hand. We walked to the impala.

"What about your car?" I asked. My nose red from wiping it.

"I walked. I live like two streets down." He smiled. His smile made me warm inside and gave me a tingle. He was so perfectly imperfect. He was mine. And we needed each other.

How did you hoes like that one. (Not slut shaming, I call everybody a hoe.) I hoped you guys liked it. It is currently 3:13am and I'm doing dandy. Vote and comment :).
~queen of queers