The Heart Player (Book 2 of Player Duology)

Thirty Four

It really was hard. Accepting it.

Halos mag dadalawang buwan na pagkatapos noon ay parang namanhid ako sa sakit na naramdaman ko noong unang gabing dinala ang nakasaradong casket sa bahay nila. Noong mas lumakas yung iyakan at mas nararamdaman ko ang kalungkutan, hindi ko na kinaya at umalis na ako doon.

I tried to mask myself with happiness kahit nasa trabaho ako. I'm accepting all of the errands kahit maliit pa para lang madistract ako. Sometimes, kapag wala na talaga tatawagan ko si Angie para kamustahin si Kai.

Thinking about Kai increases the agony I'm feeling towards his death. Darating ang panahon na tatanungin niya kung nasaan ang ama nya. I'll tell her everything honestly. If she gets mad that I chickened out noong umuwi kami sa pinas na buhay pa ang ama nya, I'll gladly accept all of it.

"No foam?" tanong ni Sir James noong nakisuyo siyang magpabili ng usual coffee niya sa coffee shop malapit. I nodded at him and show a faint smile.

"The usual."

Tumango ito at hindi inialis ang kanyang mata sa akin. Behind his thick glasses are the tired eyes of our Editor in chief. He hasn't shaven for weeks now dahil busy sya. Kita na din ang linya sa kanyang noo at sa gilid ng kanyang bibig, showing that he's aging.

"You don't look like yourself. Masyado ba kaming maraming pinapagawa sa'yo?"

Nagulat ako sa kanyang tanong kaya agad akong umiling. Iwinagawayway ang kamay para mas malaman nyang hindi ako sangayon sa sinasabi niya.

"No, Sir! Hindi po iyan totoo! I can do everything just fine.."

I hope he just let this go. Nginitian ko siya, a genuine one. Tumango ulit sya at may kinuhang papel para tignan.

I thought it was my cue to go pero muli itong nagsalita.

"I know you're grieving about your ex-lover's death. It will take time but someday you'll accept the pain and let it go freely."

Lumingon akong muli at tumingin ako sa kanyang gawi. Sinabi niya iyon ng hindi iniaangat ang kanyang ulo sa pagbabasa sa kanyang hawak. I don't want to press about the topic more further so I just nodded and said my goodbye to him.

Sa aking table, agad akong naupo at napahilot sa aking sentido. Masyado yatang see through ang mukha ko para malaman nila ka agad ang problema ko. It's not really a problem, I'm letting myself grieve because no matter what, he was a part of my life.

And it feels like I lost a part of me too.

Natapos nalang ang araw na wala na masyadong load maliban sa pagtawag sa ibang printing companies at other clients. Hindi na ako nabigyan ng trabaho outside of the office and maybe because of what Sir James assumed. I don't want to mix up my personal problems to my work kaya I feel bad about this.

Bago umuwi, pinadaan ako nila Kelly at Brix sa Megamall for a dinner. Malapit lang naman sa workplace ko kaya hindi ko na dinala yung kotse at naglakad nalang papunta doon. Outside, maraming tao dahil rush hour. I was waiting for the car to cross dahil nag backing sa isang restaurant ng maramdaman ko yung sakit ng aking paa.

I stared at it. Hinubad ko saglit ang doll heels ko at nakitang namumula na ang aking paa. I wished I bought a flats or flip flops at least.

Pagpasok sa mall, dumeretso na ako sa Italian restaurant kung saan nila ako kikitain. When I entered, It was not just them. Kasama si Coleen, Yen, Xander and Benj! Biglang lumaki ang ngiti ko noong nakita nila akong lahat at nagingay.

"Our miss working girl! Ngayon lang kita nakitang naka office attire!" bungad sa akin ni Yen at bineso ako.

Isa isa kong bineso at niyakap ang aking mga kaibigan. It seems like the pain creeping in my whole body went away for a while. This is a nice distraction.