Severely [Lee Honggi] ✔

one

" Letting you go without any expression, as if it's nothing - I practiced doing that every day but it's still awkward.
I also practiced how to secretly cry while smiling but I feel like my trembling voice will give it away quickly ."

The sky was crying, and it didn't show any sign to stop. It was supposed to be sunny that day, but the rain came out of nowhere, almost like the heavens was crying.

Hongki sat on the front seat, staring absentmindedly to the space ahead, probably thinking anything but the past, the memories. His sweet short memories. The only memories that would haunt him for life.

The church was now quiet. Everyone had gone back to their houses, maybe stayed safe under the cozy covers, far from the harsh weather outside. The last couple of people who sat behind him was his best friends, Choi Minhwan and Lee Jaejin.

He heard Jaejin telling him about the rain that poured even harshly, and a while later Minhwan appeared holding two umbrellas on each hands. Minhwan put an umbrella on the empty seat next to him, and he remembered them saying unanswered goodbyes after that.

His eyes felt weird. It was dry and heavy, and it stung a little too. He seldom cried, he didn't even cried when Rose let go of Jack's frozen hand, or when Hachiko waited at the train station faithfully for his owner. His omma said he stopped crying when he was seven, and the only time he cried was when his granny died, but it was only for fifteen minutes.

Now, he cried too much, releasing the unshed tears and it was hard to stop. He even sobbed and now his nose was running. Before he could stop it, his dried eyes trailed to the vacant spot in front of the altar, where the coffin was placed before. It was cleared now that the coffin was safe buried deep under the grounds, along with his love. But it left a deep wound that would never be healed in his heart, a hole without bullet in it.

His eyes moved again to the rectangular frame sitting on his hands. He had forgotten about the frame. He was still holding it the same way he held it first, when he walked away from the cemetery that his hands were used to its shape.

A beautiful set of eyes stared back at him. They were smiling kindly at him. A new bead of tear rolled down his cheek. He didn't even realized it until it dropped on to the frame, leaving wet trail on his cheek. His hand moved to her cheek, and he imagined touching her face in person, rather than only the picture. Pictures was taken for remembering memories, and right now he didn't want the memories, he only wanted her back.

'Give her back. Come back please.'
It wasn't him who was talking, though the voice was loud in his mind. His inner voice sounded foreign to him, like he hadn't talked for such a long, long time.

'God, give me another chance. I never tell her that I loved her. I love her so much.' he sobbed. 'Please. I would do anything.'

The pain struck him again. It felt like everything inside him was aching, and he could actually hear the thudding in his ears. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and ran out, leaving the picture frame and Minhwan's umbrella behind.

He didn't even know he was outside of the church, he only followed where his feet took him to. He didn't stop running until he ran to a girl, and a loud thunder was heard simultaneously. He hadn't noticed her at first nor the fact that it wasn't raining anymore, because his head was tilted down. He saw her Bible that fell lying on the dry ground. He remembered saying a bunch of sorry, that he knew was meant for himself.

He calmed himself a bit, and looked up. A beautiful girl was standing in front of him smiling slightly, with a hand on her shoulder where he bumped just now.

In an instant everything stopped. The time, his breathing, and his heartbeat. His eyes widen and he threw his arms around her, hugging her tightly as he whispered, "You're alive. I missed you."

Before he know it she pushed him away and he landed squarely on his butt.

His shock expression was clearly shown on his handsome face, it was mixed with hurt, but looking at her, she looked angry, and she was shooting him the 'you're crazy' glare.

She stared at him like he was a pervert and picked up the Bible from the ground and stomped into the building.

He watched as she disappeared inside.

"She.." he mumbled, his voice hoarse because of all the sobs. "doesn't remember me?"

He looked down and this time he noticed that the ground was dry, very dry. Like it hadn't been raining all these time. He tilted his head up to the sky. It was clear blue with red streaks that came from the horizon. The white clouds were drifting away by wind and the birds were flying back to their nests.

Feeling weirded out, Hongki rushed to his car, and drove home.

***

When he arrived at home, he noticed something unusual. He stepped into the living room with eyes glued to a spot just in front of the main door.

"Ah, hyung, you're home?" his housemate called, his voice was drowned by the sound of loud music.

"Where.. Where is the.." he turned to look at the younger guy who was laying comfortably on the couch.

Jaejin's eyes followed the spot where Hongki pointed, and it went back to the him.

"Yes hyung?"

"Where is the mat? The 'welcome mat'?" Hongki asked. It was a grey mat Seolhyun bought for him after she went to his house.

He could see the confusion on Jaejin's face, so he didn't push anymore. He nodded and tugged the corner of his mouth, trying to form a smile but he failed miserably. He walked slowly to his room.

"Are you okay, hyung?" Jaejin asked and he nodded again.

"I'm just going to sleep." he replied. When he was standing at the bottom of stairs, he turned around. "Jaejin-ah,"

"Yes, hyung?" Jaejin glanced up from his phone.

"What is today's date?"

Without hesitating, his friend answered, "It's 16th of January, hyung."

His brain stopped functioning. "Ah, really? Well, I'm going to take a nap for a while. Don't wait for me." He managed a small smile and climbed up the stairs.