Story of My Life ~One Direction Fanfic~ COMPLETED

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

And There's Nothing I Could Point To (Mary) - March 2009

My birthday, Christmas and New years went by pretty fast. And by year 9, I was the only one out of my group who studied the language welsh. Everyone else was either doing French or German, the two subjects I was completely hopeless at. Ella Jokeson was in my Welsh class though. The whole 'Oakwood 2008 extravaganza' thing had died down now, thank God! Everyone had just forgot and moved on, but not me. I still think of Zayn, nearly everyday, and it literally kills me, knowing that I'll never see him again as on the same day I had lost my phone. I had lost all the pictures we took. I lost the only way in which we could have kept in touch. I had lost him. H-he.. was just so.. mysterious. Although we understood each other really well, and we had a strong connection, I soon started to feel like I barely knew him. There was so much more to him than portrayed. It's like, well I can't really explain it! There was just soo much behind those nutella eyes. So much. And the way he just randomly pops into mind daily, leaves me breathless....but.. also scared. I sometimes felt so stupid. Like a little girl. Whenever I was the dishes, I put the fairy onto the sponge in a Z shape. See what I mean! I begin to pity myself! I was just so confused and embarrassed but the fact that I was constantly dreaming about a boy who was obviously not going to end up in my future. I guess I was mostly scared for my future self. When was I going to drop this, stop 'this'?! When was I going to stop loosing my breathe whenever anyone mentions ANYTHING beginning with Z?! When will I be able to maintain my concentration/ sanity(!) when talking about quiffs or rollercoasters or anything really! He was everywhere. Linked to everything. From pizza to converse. I couldn't escape. I.. I was still waiting to fall flat on my face and I was scared that I may never do so. I needed help. Someone to talk to, but the only person who understood me, was him. Zayn.

I always tried to hang around with people like Sophie. Unique and carefree. But, no-one could compare to her. I made sure that I didn't hang about with people like Ella Jokeson, as I knew, soon enough I would become her pet. NOT saying that my current friends are fake, I just sometimes find myself acting in front of them half the time to get noticed and I don't even know why. Maybe it was the lack of trust I had in them, or in me. Like I didn't trust the real me when I'm around them. I just wish I could accept myself for who the f*uck I am and just didn't give a chizz of what others think. Excuse my French. But, I know that not everyone can just simply put so much past and just push all the rude comments and all their insecurities behind them. Even though it looks like they can from the outside while the inside is burning painfully.

It's a bit like Sophie. Yes, she's strong, unique and always stands for what she wants, no matter what others say, stubborn, in a good way. But she's been through soo much, and I know this as I practically know her inside out! She could inspire so many people to just pick themselves up after being hit in the face. If she just believed in herself a bit more, on the inside, as the outside seems pretty confident. She's sometimes like that friend that doesn't think that they're all that special just because she constantly gets compared to perfect ass geeks or doesn't hold the attention of some clearly blind guys', who would have been the luckiest guy on Earth to have her. She doesn't see how beautiful and witty and amazing she is, and that bloody frustrating! Sometimes, I just want to grab her tightly by the shoulders and shake her back and forth, yelling all of those amazing things she is in her face, and not to stop until she believes. She's like the amazing younger sister I never had, and it kills me to see her so down on the inside.

But, I couldn't just leave my friends because sometimes I feel uncomfortable! No matter how many times I just felt so left out, I couldn't just go and leave them. They were part of who I was, and it was the good times I should be grateful for. Just because sometimes I felt neglected by them, doesn't mean I have a right to do the same back to them. I loved them all. Claire, with our childhood memories, contrasting personalities and dirty minds. Grace, with our secret dirty inside jokes, similar weirdness and our constant laughing fits. Jazz, with her outgoing attitude and my shyness, our mischievous connections and hilarious behaviour. Ellie, with our girlie knowledge, down to Earth minds and our similar sport preferences. Pollie, with her unique-ness and our weird child-like behavior and our matching hobbies. Sophie, with her expected, yet unexpected personality, our honest minds and close connection. Mimi, with our craze over Doctor Who, ballet, and pink :D and our similar way of thinking/designing. Livv, with our random gestures, past memorizes and weird humor.

And finally, there's Mary. Mary just joined recently, and litteraly, we all just clicked with her. Every single one of us. She was just the most genuine, down to Earth, non-discriminative person we had ever met. With her huge teal and grey blue eyes, her understanding of everyone and her clearly beneficial past experiences, it just made you want to trust her even more. Where do I even start to explain Mary! I just felt so fortunate to have a friend like her, an understanding, experienced, open-minded, non-fake friend. Not saying that everyone's fake, but for a new girl, she was something new, and there was nothing I could point to. She did Welsh like me, but was in the more advanced class as she was fluent. But Mary was in all my other classes so that kinda made up for it.

My school was complicated like that, its like, if you were seen with anyone else, there were three possible reasons.

1. You had gotten into a fight with everyone else in your group and decided to give them the cold shoulder

2. You bumped into each other while walking through the corridors and now one of you won't leave the other alone

3. You both have to go see a teacher for the same reason.

See what I mean? Everyone judges, but I guess no one can stop that. I try my hardest to keep an open mind I just be friendly, but sometimes later regret that. Some people just take my kindness for granted and don't care that much at first. But then they just, suddenly go off with other people near you, whom, obviously you don't mind at first, but if they get rejected or bored, I'm like a freaking puppy. They just come crawling back and become so clingy, like they are so determined that you'll never leave, that you really wanted to leave everyone to be friends. No. It probably sounds really selfish but it the truth. If I'm kind to someone, I don't appreciate it if they then attempt to take those close to me away and when failing to do so, turn the tables and takes me. This is what happened between me and Jenna. I was just being kind, and then it was like I 'gave her my place' in the 'group'. But that's why I love my 'friends' so much. Even though Jenna was trying to get rid of me, they didn't let that happen. They always waited when Jenna wanted to rush on ahead. They always listened and considered my ideas and what I say, even when Jenna tries to be the 'leader'. They knew and understood, and instead of just letting it go, they stood by me.

Well, there's still a cold war going on between Claire and Jazz. And now its even expanding over to Grace and Mary now. Apparently, Claire had been using Mary, hanging out with her loads and meeting up all the time, to try and make Grace jealous.....O.o The thing that Claire doesn't understand is that you can have more that one bestfriend. For example, when Grace and Pollie started to get close, Claire bitched about Pollie behind her back to Jazz. When Grace and Jazz started to get close, war broke out and now we barely see each other. Claire was just too over-protective towards Grace, if 'protective' is the appropriate word to use. And to be honest, Grace doesnt deserve to be messed up like this. She just went up to Claire and told her point blank,

"I know what your doing with Mary, trying to make me jealous, but to he honest, you just wasting you time. There's no point. I'm not gunna get jealous just because you got some new friends!"

Some would say that was harsh, but imagine being friends with someone for 3 years now, and always knowing that, if you hung out with someone else, they would get hurt. I guess Grace was just fed up.

As the end of the year approached, lots of us were getting ready for summer. Usually, in the last week of school, our school have challenges week but I never expected this...

(*que strong Welsh accent*)

"Now girls, I'm sure you've all heard of the wonderful 'Acorn adventure centre' in Brecon in Wales?! Well, me and the deputy thought that year 8 and 9 deserved a memorable summer, before you all start you gcse's next year. So we have arranged to spend 8 days and 7 nights there just before you break up for summer....."

My smile was soo big it practically covered my ears and I couldn't hear the rest properly. Although it was only March and this trip was in July, nearly half a year away, I was soo excited!! This was my chance. My only chance to escape and be myself. I quickly snapped my head in Claire's, Graces and Marys direction and had a telepathic conversation with them. We all agreed to go and to make the most of the rare freedom we were being provided with, as Jazz and Ellie couldn't come and neither Sophie. And I knew for a fact, that this would be life-changing.

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Changed it a bit XD

Anywhores,

Thank you soo much,

Love you loads,

Pretzelxx

@_brighterside Xxxx:D