Story of My Life ~One Direction Fanfic~ COMPLETED

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

You've Never Loved, Your Stomach or Your Thighs - May 2009

I think it all started when I was round abouts 10 years old. At that age, I tried not to believe in pain, therefore every time I felt as if I was about to break down and cry, I would distract my brain. Pulling it away from the pain. And the only thing the caught its attention, was more pain. I never leave scars which I guess is something to be grateful of, as it avoids me having to lie even more, but only recently, have I actually realised what I was doing. I hated myself, a lot. I hate the fact that my rib cage was boxed, I hated the fact that my face looked like I was dropped at birth, I even hated my own skin colour. It was just so hard, and confusing, growing up in an all girls bitchy snobby chav school when your Asian. The fact that I was a Muslim, Pakistani, British citizen, made life so mind twisting. Although I was British, I acted like I was living in Pakistan, where girls should be silent, obedient, and must keep there heads down. I didn't go out much, as my father didn't approve of it. When my father doesn't approve of something, nothing is questioned. I wasn't really scared of my dad, in fact, I loved him and was closer to him more than my mum. I just knew where my place was, and I hated my place. Seeing all my friends live normal lives, as I lived in twisted doubt.

It was only recently, when I actually realised, I was cutting. To be more accurate, it was Zayn. The night before scars always linger a little, and when Zayn and I had laid there in the sun, he slowly lifted my arms and gently pressed his soft plump lips against my reddened skin silently. It was like he knew, like he just simply understood. I always wondered whether he was going through the same confusion and hatred as me. I couldnt stand to imagine Zayn depressed and torn like I was feeling. So I vowed to myself to stop, for Zayns sake. Even though he may never know, I was determined to stop.

You see, in my head, Zayn and I have a mental connection. Therefore, somehow I just wish that whatever I was doing benefited him, and didn't bring him any harm. Zayn had changed me. I began to hate myself, and my life a lot less. Realising that, this is who I am. God had given me this, and I've got to work with it. There was no point in worrying about the incline, that I should just enjoy the rollercoaster that is life.

I admit sometimes, I loose it. Sometimes I wonder whether I expect too much. Whether I set my expectations too high. Surely I should be able to always see the light at the end of the tunnel, right? It was times like this, times when I couldn't see the light, I would loose it. My future has always been set when it comes to me. I would grow up and become a doctor. To be honest, I preferred having my goals set out straight for me. But its the constant doubt my parents show. I would love to be a doctor, but they always keep reminding me, like they don't trust or believe in me.

Zayn said he believed in me. But Zayn also showed me a different light. Since, my interest in music and dance, especially ballet have increased soo much. Late at night I stretched my legs and all my body muscles, pointing my toes and silently danced around my room. I watch ballet a lot now and listen to music constantly. Ballet let me express my emotions and feeling in a different form and music helped me understand them. It also helped me reunite with my inner child as when I was little, fairies and pink dresses like that were my passion.

One day. One day, I will thank him. Zayn showed me another side of life, and I never got the chance to thank him. Our moment, although to some it may have seemed short, enlightened me in so many ways. I'm a big believer in fate, and I thank God everyday, for creating such a beautiful creature. It takes pure greatness to change a heart of stone, and make it beat again.

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Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed! I actually am going away with my school for a week starting tomorrow so lols XD

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Pretzelxx

@_brighterside Xxxx:D