Facade

Chapter 18- Loveless.

Short chapter but more chapters today!

The only thing really keeping me going is Matthias. He's the only one I can talk to. I look to the right of my desk at the empty chair, I heard from Lana's mom, she was apparently doing well in the correctional facility. I wonder who she was with, who was the guy? How long is she going to be in there? Am I even going to see her again?

She might come back totally different, conformed to society. She might not even be totally rebellious. I chuckle as copy down the notes on the board, I can't imagine what she'd think if she saw me with Matthias or just breaking the rules in general.

I went from never breaking any rules to breaking the biggest on of all though it is technically before meeting your soul mate.

She got sent just for liking someone, the government is horrible for creating this facade of soul mates.

How did they even pick out soul mates? Compatibility? Cause me and Nick had none, he's a jock and I'm just not. What, do they just randomly pick out names from a jar?

I just-I just feel bad for him and myself. Every time I see him I force myself to crack a smile and I pretend to enjoy the moment. We don't actually do anything which is great for me but it scares me that this was the kind of relationship that I would've had if I hadn't met Matthias, a loveless relationship.

If I hadn't met him would I just think of that as love? A jolt of electricity? Love?

I shrug off the idea and I smile at the thought of Matthias, zoning out of my teacher's lectures. I was meeting him today afterschool at our hideout, it was an abandoned house near the end of the lost lands. At first it seemed unusual but soon it became sort of like a second home. It was where I spent my days with Matthias.

As the bell rings I strung back into the real world and I get up, gathering all my books at the end of the school day. I take my time as I see my teacher talk to one of my classmates and I hear my name being called. I whip my head at the sound, who could be calling for me in school of all places. Nick appears at the doorway and smiles, waving at me and I give him a small smile back.

The show goes on. I scrunch my eyebrows as I walk through the halls with him, side by side I get looks of jealousy, like he was the best candidate. They could have him for all I care, he would probably be happier since they're all so ready to pounce on him.

What am I going to do? I can't just be with Nick forever can I? What, am I just going to spend the rest of my life sneaking away to meet Matthias. This isn't the way to live, this isn't the way I want to live. How am I suppose to fix this though? I let out a small huff of air in annoyance as we reach the front of the school.

"Uh, see you." I awkwardly say and smile, Nick stands in front of me as if he's waiting for something. Something I can't give to him. I instead squeeze his arm to show a slight bit of affection and skin to skin contact.

I quickly turn away before I can see him react. Hopefully he just still thinks I'm shy, it's been about 2 weeks already though. I'm not sure I can keep putting this off.

I hop on my bike, speeding home and I rush into the house where I quickly change my clothes. Sometimes my moms home and I have to say I'm going to a friends house which I find really unusual that my mom actually believes. Your daughter's best friend is taken away and then your daughter just suddenly makes a new one that you've never met before and meet her almost everyday. I'm not complaining really but it's just disappointing that she just believes me.

I stop in front of my back door, suddenly thinking of something that I never want to think of. My parents, they probably never even really loved each other then. Maybe they did but I have a hard time believing that people could with the chips in their necks.

If their love isn't real then is their love for me and Mikael the same? Fake? An illusion? I sigh as I start to depress myself with my thoughts and I slip into my jogging shoes. No more of these pessimistic thoughts for me, at least for now. I slip my phone and a couple of granola bars into my pocket and open the back gate, time to jog to the lost lands.