Camila
They say you'll never forget your first love.
But I haven't stopped loving my first love. I denied it at first, but the truth was I was still hopelessly in love with Lauren. It was like she left me in glue and I couldn't move. It was impossible to move on without carrying her with me. She followed me into whatever relationship I was in until her constant following drove me to give up on dating altogether.
It's crazy how much someone you love can control your life after they've left it.
You think it all ends at the breakup, when in reality that's when it all really begins. You find yourself avoiding certain things because it makes you think of that person.
Maybe that's my way of explaining why I won't do something or maybe it's just an excuse as to the reason why i'm in the guidance counselor's office desperately trying to get my schedule changed.
Lauren and I had art together and I didn't want to have to look her in the face anymore than I had to in the hallway. What made the matter almost unbearable was the fact that she sat next to me. We chose those seats in the beginning of the year, back when we thought we'd stay together forever. But that clearly wasn't going to happen. I really wish I had thought about what would happen if we broke up back in September. I guess I was too caught up in love to think straight. That's what love does to you, it messes your brain up.
"Tell me again why you're coming to me in the middle of the year to change your schedule Ms. Cabello," the guidance counselor pushed her glasses further up her thin nose. She had been doing that for the past few minutes and I was suppressing the urge to break the woman's glasses.
"I just-please?"
"You're going to have to give me a better reason. I can't just switch your schedule without a reason. Besides if i remember correctly, most classes are full."
I sighed trying not to let myself cry in front of an adult. I had been crying a lot lately and I was really starting to get sick of the whole crying every second thing. To me, crying showed a weakness and I didn't want to be viewed as weak. So I toughed it out and began rapidly blinking to keep the tears at bay.
"Are you ok? Your eye's twitching."
"I'm fine"
"Maybe you should go see the nur-"
"I'm fine!" I yelled out covering my mouth surprised at my own outburst. I never usually blew up on people, especially not adults. So to say I was shocked was an understatement.
"Sorry. I'm just having a bad day," I whispered out an apology as I rocked back and forth on my heels before turning to leave the office.
Running my fingers through my hair I began my agonizing walk to the art classroom, I was trying to delay this class as much as possible, but I could only do so much before I actually got written up. Students rushed past me trying to get to class on time, but it was like I was in my own world. It was like I was in slow motion while the rest of the world was speeding by me. A few minutes later I was pausing in front of the door that read 'art' in yellow letters. Taking a deep breath I told myself that I could make it through one class today. The first class is always the worst, but I knew eventually it would get better. I took the cool metal doorknob into my hands and opened the door to the classroom. 25 pairs of eyes immediately looked up at the disturbance. I noticed a certain pair of green eyes were focused solely on her work as she crafted a masterpiece. I lowered my eyes towards the ground and the teacher motioned towards the board before going back to his easel as he began to paint a flower.
The board gave instructions on what we were working on for this class, and I took note of the fact that the project we started today would need to be finished for homework. We were assigned a project that focused on happiness. I frowned because there wasn't much happiness coursing through my veins at the moment. Not when Lauren was so close to me.
I walked to back of the art room and took supplies I needed for my piece and placed them under my armpit. Once I had everything I needed I turned towards the seating area. This was the part of class I was dreading the most, finding a new seat. I spot an opening next to a girl with a black beanie on her head. I slowly shuffled over to where the girl was sitting. As I was closing in on the girl she looked up and brown eyes stared back at my own in confusion.
"Is this seat taken?" I asked politely not wanting to steal someone else's chair. The girl shook her head and gave me a smile that showed off her pearly whites.
I smiled back at her and began to set my art supplies up. I slid into the stool and placed my hand on my chin trying to think of something that I could draw. I sighed defeatedly and took my headphones out of my pocket and plugged them into my phone. I played my drawing playlist and began freely sketching on my blank paper. I got so engulfed into my work that the whole world around me disappeared as I continued to draw. I let my mind wonder as I let it take over my hands. I had no idea what I was drawing, but I knew it was better this way.
I was taken out of my drawing trance when my hair was being touched by soft hands. I furrowed my brows and looked over at the girl -whose name I had learned was Jules- sitting next to me. She was looking right at me and I saw her lips begin to move and I removed my headphones.
"What'd you say? Couldn't hear you," I gestured to the headphones in my hand.
"I said that I was sorry if I frightened you, I just saw that your hair was getting in the paint I was using," she informed me as a ghost of a smile was evident on her lips. I looked down at my hair and sure enough the bottom half of my hair was covered in green paint. I shrieked and rushed over to the sink not caring whether someone was using it or not. I began trying to scrub the paint out of my hair. I tried desperately to get the green paint out of my hair before a presence at my side appeared.
"Need help?" A husky voice asked and I swear I almost melted. Almost.
" No." I answered quickly and went back to working on my hair. I told myself it would be better if we didn't interact. I didn't want my feelings for the green eyed girl next to me getting the best of me. After a few minutes of no progress being made I began to get upset letting a small frustrated tear roll down my face. I was getting more upset by the second and I willed myself not to cry. I loved my hair and didn't want to have to cut the paint out. It had taken too long to grow out and I wasn't ready to lose that progress. I sighed wiping the tear off my face before a chuckle made me remember that there was a person next to me.
"So stubborn," Lauren mumbled before taking a comb out from her pocket. She wet the comb and began combing the green out of my hair. Her touch alone ignited the sparks of our love once again and I struggled to keep my breathing even. I hadn't felt her touch in over a month and it was really affecting me now. I had forgotten how amazing her touch felt. The green paint fell into the sink until there was no longer any paint in my hair.
"Uh thanks." I thank Lauren awkwardly. She gives me a curt nod not meeting my eyes. She walked back to her table slightly bumping my shoulder once she passed me.
Lauren quickly whispered out an apology and I was left with the feeling.that she was apologizing for something other than bumping my shoulder.
-
a/n
Okay so the second chapter of Emerald is finally up! This was a short one, but I wanted to give you guys something since it took so long to update and I apologize, I kind of wasn't paying attention to time. I honestly enjoy writing Camren so much, you don't even understand wow. Let me know what you think, feedback is always welcomed.
Thanks for reading (:
-Desiree // pixelatedoblivion on tumblr
