Dirty Work

Daydream Away

(You're just a daydream away, I wouldn't know what to say if I had you. And I'll keep you a daydream away, just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose.)

I took a deep breath before running back to the bus to grab my stuff and find the nearest hotel. I wasn't going to stay here any longer than I had to, and even then the time it took me to gather my things seemed like too long. It felt like Alex had punched a hole through my chest, crushing my heart in his hands before throwing it out. I felt both empty and completely crushed if that was even possible.

As I headed to the gates, I heard a voice call after me. I wasn't in the mood for anyone right now, so I carried on and ignored it until they were infront of me panting out of breath. "What the...did you not hear me call your name?" Matt managed to get out while steading his breath. I shook my head and tried to get past, muttering "I'm not in the mood." But he mirrored my movements not letting me past. "Dammit Matt! Please just let me go, it's obvious Alex doesn't want me to be here and quite frankly neither do I after what I saw." I shouted, shivering at the image of Alex and the girl on the sofa flashing before my eyes, bringing on fresh tears. Matt looked at me and sighed, pity filling his eyes as his hair began to flop in the light shower of rain. "Look, I'm not letting you leave alone in this state. Let me take you to a hotel so you can dry off and we'll sort some stuff out okay? No Alex, I swear." He held up his hands to reiterate his last point. I sighed and nodded as he took my case off me as we passed through the gates and onto the street, seeing a number of fans lining up for later tonight. People turned to stare as the heavy iron gate was pulled shut with force by a member of security, this really wasn't my day. I don't know if I was imagining it or not, but it was as if they were looking at me sympathetically as if even they knew what was going on and felt sorry for me. I shook my head and followed Matt as he found us a cab and took us to a hotel around the corner called the 'Marriott' .

We took my bags up in the elevator and ascented up to floor 14 in awkward silence, neither of us knowing what to say. The elevator stopped at floor six, letting a young couple into the hostile atmosphere Matt and I had created, but they seemed oblivious. I sighed as I saw the young guy look into his girlfriend's eyes with such love, with a huge grin on his face and remembered how Alex used to look at me like that before I left. Even though in the weeks since I'd been back he looked at me in a similar way, it was never with the same amount of trust and passion as before and I knew why. I hated myself for causing all this.

The elevator finally reached floor 14 and we clumsily passed the couple that were too engrossed in each other to even realise we were in the elevator, let alone move so we could get out. After coughing loudly for a few moments I'd just pushed past, not bothering to look back as I headed to the room we'd booked at reception, taking the key out of my pocket but as I did this, the photobooth strip fell on the floor. I stared at it for a moment before opening the door and walking in, leaving it outside and Matt followed behind me. I dumped my quite dry bag on the bed and walked over to the window staring out around LA; the ran had stopped and the sky was now bright and sunny as the sun began to set and the sky was all pinks and purples.

"Hey," Matt said in a low tone, closing the door. I didn't turn to look at him, I was just watching the passers-by, whether they were teenagers chasing each other on their adventures, people heading home from a long day's work, or old couples strolling through the streets. All of them had different lives and different loves, and most of them had somebody to turn to. Although Matt was with me, I still felt alone in the world right now. Alex used to be my everything, I could trust him with all my secrets and could always call him whenever I needed him...

"Alex..." I whimpered down the phone. It was 3am on a school night, but this couldn't wait 'til morning. "Where are you?" He asked, alarmed at my distress.

"The...park..." I said through sobs.

"Okay, I'll be there." click, the line went dead. I curled up under the childrens slide, pulling the hoodie sleeves over my hands as I carried on sobbing until I heard him call my name. "Here...I'm here..." I croaked, coming out from under the slide. I looked up to see his worried face before he ran over to me and pulled his arms around me, encasing me in one of the strongest hugs he'd ever given me whispering in my ear "It'll be okay..." knowing that it wouldn't for a long time. I cried into his chest and just kept repeating the same two words over and over through the sobs "He's gone...he's gone..." Alex pulled me tighter and shushed me, slowly stroking my back as we headed to his car. We stopped at the door and he turned me to face him, pulling my face up to his with his index finger on my chin. "I'm here, I'll always be here for you." He whispered, looking directly into my eyes as I nodded, before kissing my forehead and helping me into the car before he got in the drivers side. "So, Taco Bell it is."

Matt took my hand in his, opening it up to place the pictures I'd dropped in the hallway into them before closing my hand again. "You miss it, don't you?" I nodded in response as tears fell down my face. "It was so simple back then..." I whispered before trailing off, snapping my eyes away from the scenery outside the window and wiping my eyes before taking a deep breath. "Thanks Matt, I really appreciate this." I said with a smile, and he smiled back. I started to shiver, which is when I realised how wet I was. My whole body was drenched in water, and I'd even left a puddle where I was standing. Matt chuckled before saying "Go for a warm shower, I'll book your flight and I won't come in, I swear." Adding a cheeky grin at the end. I nodded, taking my pj's and toiletries out of my case and heading to the bathroom as Matt opened up my laptop and started clicking and typing away.

I got in the bathroom and locked the door, turning the shower on and waiting for the water to warm up before stripping the drenched clothes that were stuck to my body off, dumping them in a wet pile on the floor before letting the hot water hit my body like the rain did earlier, trying to block those fresh memories out, but snappets came back...

"You happened Jen, YOU broke my heart that night you left. YOU made me the person I am today. I can't commit to people because of the way you broke me at eighteen, and wanting me to succeed isn't a good enough answer as to why you left. Yeh, you changed me for the better when I was sixteen, but then you made me worse that day you took the bus out of town and I didn't see you for five years." He took my hand and put the pictures in them, walking back inside, but before he closed the door, he said one last thing. "Oh, and if I haven't made it clear, we're over. Atleast I get to decide this time."

I began to sob as it came back, the words still felt as if they were piercing my heart over and over again. I knew there was no point in crying, but it made me wonder if I felt the same as Alex did when I left, or was it worse for him because he didn't know where I had gone? I shook my head and vowed at that moment I would never give my heart away again, the hurt it causes makes me think it isn't worth it. Giving your heart to the person you trust more than anything in the world, only to have them break it and crush it into a million pieces before spitting on it, abandoning it and you out in the rain as if he never cared...it just isn't worth the pain.