This Doesn't Happen in Real Life

Chapter 10: Worries, Passions & Best Friends

You know how when you're a little kid there's that one thing you always look forward to? Like a Christmas morning or you birthday but it's some completely normal and every day thing that you get all excited about. You would start to get antsy and feel like you wanted to go jump up and down and there was so much joy that overflowed from you that it showed in the sparkle in your eyes and the glee of your smile. It could be something as simple as Mom making your favorite supper or something a little more special, like when your grandparents are coming to visit. But whatever that thing was for you, you must know that feeling, that joy that seems to fade as you get older. 

Now I realized that people seem to get somber as they aged early on, and I was bound and determined never to lose that child in me. And I found that though it was difficult sometimes (because admittedly the older you get the more responsibility and heartache you get along with it) it was entirely possible to maintain the majority of the childlike joy in my heart. I also found that my fandoms actually helped me keep that joy, because though often it would have me curled into the fetal position and crying like a babe, there was also a realm of excitement and exuberance that went along with those shows and books. Anytime a new episode would come out, or I would think about the brilliance of certain writers, or even one of my friends would even mention the name of said fandom, that excitement would well up within me and I'd be transported back to the days of wonder and adventure where the world was a little brighter and more optimistic. 

Now for anyone that's read a brilliant novel that seems to take you away on an adventure or watched a show or movie that does the same, you know precisely what I'm talking about. And despite the pain that can sometimes be associated with them, the sadness can make them seem all the more real. So you may wonder what this has to do with my story, but it's very necessary I assure. This very feeling was exactly why I wanted to act. I wanted to be able to bring out the child in someone. I wanted to take them on an adventure. I wanted them to cheer someone up on a bad day, make them smile, make them laugh (and occasionally make them cry but those are for the days when they don't already need cheering up). I wanted to touch someone's life and impact them somehow. 

A lot of people say the Arts don't have a use in society but I beg to differ. More than ever I believe that people need a getaway, some place where they can go for a while and feel like a child again, whether they're listening to a good song, going to the cinema, curled up watching a show, or reading their favorite book for the 15th time. Being the person to bring that joy would give me no end to my own joy. 

So when the opportunities arose to do so, I took them. I acted, I drew, I sang, and I wrote. I did fine in school, but my passion was for the Arts more than biology or mathematics. When asked what I wanted to do with my life, I would always say "Something to do with the arts." People would tell me that there was "No money and that" or "You'll be a starving artist. You should get another degree and only do that on the side." But my response remained the same. If I became a doctor or something I'm sure I would do well, I'd probably make good money and always be assured I could pay rent. But I wasn't sure I'd be fulfilling my call in life. I'm not certain that after 15 years I would have any passion left for it. I think people should do what they're called to do, be where their deepest passions lay. If that should mean taking a risk, so be it. Honestly, who cares how big your paycheck is if your life is dull and not fulfilling to you? If you're not making a difference somewhere, or you doing the best you can, what is it worth? 

That has been my philosophy and it wasn't about to change as I got nearer to my college years. So when it was time for me to head to the UK for my screen test, I felt that childlike excitement start up again. This was what I was meant to do. Even if I failed here (besides everybody knows that a lot of the greatest people in history failed way more than they ever succeeded), I knew deep down in my heart that I was supposed to pursue the arts in some way.