The Chauffeur || Thomas Sangster AU COMPLETED

xxxii.

"Today was fun. We should do it again soon" Lily suggested before she pulled away from Mandy's hug and invited me for one. We nodded in agreement as I hugged Lily. "We have to talk" she whispered before we pulled away and bid our good byes. We watched the jeep drive away before we entered the car ourselves; to say we were tired would have been an understatement-exhausted would be the right word.

"You okay babe?" Jordan asked me, I've been quiet for the rest of the time, laughing and talking occasionally but I was just leaned into Jordan's arms. Even Thomas had been trying to talk to me but I didn't respond.

"Yeah, I'm just really tired" I assured him, I looked up and my eyes immediately met Thomas' gaze. He looked worried and angry at the same time so I looked away. Jordan nodded understandingly and for the whole ride back, we were all silent, only the radio made any noise with a Beatles song playing softly. We dropped Jordan off first since his house was close enough, he kissed me on the cheek before he left and he made sure Thomas saw it. Deep inside, I was still putting my logic together. I thought it was sexual tension with Thomas and I, after all- the rules were made so we wouldn't touch each other so that must be it. Pure sexual tension. Physical attraction.

"Katy, I just wanted to thank you" Mandy started, we were in front of her driveway, her whole street was quiet and dark. "Thank you so much for letting Thomas off the hook and everything- ugh, you really are my best friend" she beamed tiredly before enveloping me in a hug. The guilt pained my chest, best friend.

"It's no trouble. He's human too" I smiled at her before she nodded. She kissed Thomas on the cheek before she stepped out of the car and disappeared into her house. I sighed and leaned back with my hands covering my face; I wanted to cry so bad, the lump in my throat hurt too much and the tears pricked at my eyes. "Let's go home, Thomas" I said softly when I didn't feel the engine start, I was drained. Both emotionally and physically.

After a few moments, he started the engine quietly and started driving. I took a deep breath and pressed a hand into my mouth, it was too late; my tears fell freely and I sobbed into my mouth. Why couldn't I control my tears whenever I was around Thomas? If I could do it around my friends, why can't I do it around him? Was this some kind of cosmic joke?

The anger and jealousy, disappointment and guilt made me sob harder, I put my arms around myself tight so I wouldn't full out break down. I felt the car stop abruptly, Thomas pulling the brake suddenly before he stepped out of the car. My door opened and he offered his hand which made me frown in confusion, I still felt my tears roll down my cheeks as I took his hand and stepped out.

He shut the door and scanned my face looking for God knows what. We were on the road back home, which was still pretty far if you tried to walk the distance. I stared back at him and my emotions swirled inside me harder making me sob my anger and guilt out. I was angry but at what? Myself? Thomas? I couldn't bear to look at him so I turned around and walked away, my hands trembling and I just wanted to be in my room with my knees to my chest as I cried my heart out.

I was so stupid. I was so stupid and selfish and hypocritical and- God, I just wanted to kill myself. It would've made everything so much easier and I wouldn't be feeling these-these horrible emotions. I had the audacity to be angry and jealous with Mandy and Thomas when I've done worse with Jordan. I had the audacity to hug Mandy and be called her best friend and still have these feelings for Thomas.

I felt my arm being grabbed and I was turned around before I was met with his chest and his arms around me. I wasn't supposed to be near him. I wasn't supposed to be in his arms, which was why I tried to push him hard on the chest but he held onto me tighter. "Let go off me!" I yelled angrily, the pain in my chest worsened at the guilt and disappointment as I let it out on Thomas and pounded my fists to his chest but he didn't even flinch.