Unprecedented Silence

Gail

I may be rash or just plain stupid because it never occurred to me that I'm putting myself in an uncertain position when I decided to barged into someone else's life -- a fragmented life that is. I should have thought of how D will react when I tell him that I'm willing to help him recover the missing pieces of his memory. I expected to see hope in his face but all I saw was confusion. Well, who wouldn't be? A face you barely recognize comes to you and offer you to fix something you're not even sure how to fix. It's like allowing a mechanic to perform a heart surgery on you. Or getting a doctor to fix your broken down car. It was simply illogical and foolish. For all I know he could be thinking of me as an ax murderer. I should know better but this fatal flaw of mine keeps on resurfacing each time. I have been asking myself all these years why I have this tendency to be altruistic to everyone around me. It was and still is my greatest strength, but it was also my ultimate weakness. 

I drove to my house and tried to forget what happened with D. Maybe, Wren was correct, I should stop getting in too deep every single time. As soon as I got inside the house, rain started falling. I headed to my room and changed. The rain reminded me of one of the most unforgettable nights of my life, the night that made me realize that no matter how great your love for someone, sometimes, it just wasn't enough. 

Migs came to the hospital and fetched me after my shift. He looked distraught but I didn't mention it to him. We made our way to our favorite restaurant and ordered the usual. I opened the conversation about how our days went but he only answered timidly. I felt my stomach churning. My instincts were confirming what I was dreading so I asked him, "Hey, hon, something wrong?" But he won't look at me. Finally, he spoke, but as soon as he finished, I just wished he hadn't uttered a single word. He told me he cheated on me, with my friend Anna. He told me it was nothing, that he loved me but his words made no sense anymore. I stood up, tears streaming down my face. Rain was just starting outside but I didn't care, I ran far away from that place and from him. I heard him calling me, shouting my name but never did I look back, even once. I was soaking wet when I reached the bus stop. I was drenched with rain and tears. Another heartache I have to endure for choosing to love someone I know would eventually hurt me in the end. All because of thinking that I could save him, change him even.

The darkness of the room enveloped me and I can't help but cry. My eyes felt heavy so I succumbed to its plea and drifted into unconsciousness.

Next morning, I was awakened by the streaks of light peering through the slits of the curtain. The effects of the storm last night was obscured by the rising bright sun. I still felt kind of heavy from the way things turn out yesterday but I decided to fight it. I got out of bed and do my usual morning routine. I was brushing my hair when my phone vibrated. I look at it and saw Ashton's name. He texted me and it read:

Hi, Gail! I'm back in Maineclear. Your offer still up? :)

It was something I didn't expect but it placed a smile on my face.
I replied:

Sure it does. Meet you at 8?

After a brief moment he texted back:

Okay, then. I'll pick you up.

I went to work and tried my best to push the thoughts of D away from my head. I was busy and it was a good thing. I didn't realize my shift just ended, it was almost 7. I only have an hour to prepare before Ashton arrives. I drove home and immediately readied myself. I don't want him to wait for me but I couldn't decide on what to wear. It was not really a "date" and I don't want to look too eager so I opted to wear skinny jeans, loose shirt and sandals. Just in time, Ashton arrived and knocked on the front door. I didn't put on too much make-up; just a hint of lipgloss and blush just so my face won't look pale. I opened the door and I saw Ashton in his usual disheveled hair, he's wearing a plaid shirt and ripped jeans. I whispered a little prayer, thanking that both of us have somewhat the same idea for the attire. We made our way to his car and he opened the door for me. I thanked him and got inside. It was tidy inside- for a man. An iPhone was docked on the music player and an alternative rock band was playing some song I don't know. 

"Sorry about that." He motioned for his phone but I stopped him. "No, it's alright. This is your car and besides, I appreciate any genre of music." I smiled. He was looking at me intently and then he grin, "Well, I really want to listen to this band but we can't talk if I continue playing this so I just got to put it for later." "Oh, okay." I said. 

We drove through town and can't decide where to eat. I wouldn't want to admit to him but I was dying to munch on some burger and fries from Burger King. I was surprised when he blurted out, "I really want some burger and fries right now." I can't help but laugh. He looked at me and seemed to get offended by my giggle. So I contained it and told him, "I was actually thinking about Burger King." He shook his head and smiled, "You're kidding right?" he asked. "Nope." I replied. "Then, let's grab some burger and fries." 

It was surprising how easy it is to be around Ashton. It was just the second time we spent time together but I was already comfortable with him. Maybe because he was really gentleman and nice. There was not an air of arrogance in him despite his good looks.It almost seemed like he didn't know he was a head-turner. We found a booth and sat opposite each other. We ordered the same and ate, savoring every bite of our burgers. "This is really good." He said, and I couldn't agree more. We were so full after so I suggested to walk outside before going home. We walked a few blocks and stopped at the park, then sat on a bench beside a lamp post. I almost feel like a teenager once again, I remembered how I spent my first date with my high school boyfriend. Then I had to stop myself because I know this was not a date. I decided to break the silence to keep my stupid thoughts away. 

"So, how's New York?" It took him a while to answer. I cannot read his expression but he seemed to be very careful in what he's going to say. "Still the same...crowded with people, still absorbed and obsessed with the City that never sleeps." I honestly don't know what to respond so I just chose to ask him again, "Is that something good or bad?" He stifled a small laugh. "I think it's neither. To be honest, I was just like most New Yorkers. I'm not saying that all of them are the same but we all know that New York is like the Emerald City, where opportunities are endless. And I thought so too. All my life, all I wanted to do was to make music. And New York was the place to be. Being young, my idea was getting there means achieving my life dream. But I was also too naive, and only now did I realize that a place is just a place, nothing more. Coming and staying in New York did not guarantee anything. Dreams require hard work and does not come true just by getting to a magical place." His words struck me and it made me admire him more. I smiled at him and he smiled back. Then he got up and held out his hand. "Let's go? It's getting colder." I placed my hand on his and only then I realized that my hands were cold, his were warm and comforting but as soon as I got up from the bench, he released my hand. 

We walked side by side and when we reached the car, he again opened the door for me. We drove and reached my house after a couple of minutes. He walked me to the door and told him, "I had fun. Thank you." He grinned and said, "I did too. I'll be around town more often because of the ongoing renovation of Quintilis so I hope this wouldn't be the last." I nodded and reached for my keys. He turned around to walk back to his car. I got inside the house and felt entirely opposite the night before.