Falling For You All Over Again {Editing}

I've Made My Choice

I was depressed and I was in pain. I just didn't want to live anymore. I wasn't thinking about Sarah or Adam. All I cared about was how I could escape the pain. I couldn't think of any other way.

I walked upstairs and headed to my bedroom. I grabbed a notepad and a pen.

Dear Sarah, I'm sorry I have to leave like this. I can't handle the pain anymore. Your sister's death has pushed me over the edge and I just can't go on. I hope Adam takes care of you. After I told him, I called the government and got his name put on your birth certificate. The court will grant him full custody over you. If Adam goes back to Behati, I wish you the best of luck. Your dad will take good care of you and I know it. I'm sorry I never told you earlier that he was your father. Please forgive me for what I've done. Live your life to the fullest and remember me. I love you and I will always watch over you. Love, Mom. 

The tears were streaming down my cheeks as I wrote Sarah's letter. I hope she'll be ok when I'm gone. Now came time for Adam's letter.

Dear Adam, These past 9 months have been amazing. You made me fall for you all over again. I had always been scared of telling you that you had a daughter because I thought you would act like she didn't exist, but you proved me wrong. You have been there for her and I couldn't ask for anyone better to be her father. That's why I'm trusting you with her. I'm trusting that you will take good care of her. I'm sitting here, crying as I'm writing this, because I've made my choice. I want to die. I want to escape the pain of losing our unborn daughter. I'm miserable and this is my only escape. I need to get away from the pain. I'm sorry that I'm doing this Adam. I hope that you will take full custody of Sarah and that you will act like you have had her all your life. Take good care of her. If not for yourself, then for me. I give you my full consent to go back to Behati. She can give you what I can't and haven't for the past 2 months. Love. I never wanted it to end this way. I wanted us to become a family and be with each other forever. I feel awful that I'm doing this to you. I know it's going to hurt, but stay for Sarah's sake. She can't lose you too. Be happy, go to Behati. Marry her. Have kids with her. Sarah will get used to her. I'm sorry Adam. I love you. Take care of yourself. My wish is for you to move on. Don't stay locked in my death. I want you to be happy and I'm making you miserable. I can see it. I'm sorry it has to end this way. I love you Adam. I always have and I always will. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. It's me that's the problem. Love Lena. 

I almost couldn't see once I finished writing the letter. Could I still do it? Could I just leave them? I didn't want to, but this was my only escape from the pain. I wrote mini notes to my family, telling them I was sorry. 

I laid the letters on our bed and went to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet and took out the pain pills that were there. 

Adam's POV 

I rushed home. I had a surprise for Lena, that I hoped would lift her out of the depression. I was worried about leaving Lena alone for too long. I pulled into the driveway and walked inside. I heard noise upstairs and I heard Lena screaming. I rushed upstairs and into our bedroom. Lena was in the bathroom trying to open a pill bottle. She was screaming at the pill bottle. She couldn't open it. And in that moment, I realized what she was doing. I rushed to her side and tried to grab the bottle from her. "Let go!" She screamed at me. "Lena stop! You don't want to do this!" I screamed back at her. "I. Want. To. Die!" She screamed at me. As we kept pulling, the lid flew off the bottle and the pills were all over the floor. She started screaming and she bursted into tears. "What have you done!" She screamed at me through the tears. I wrapped me arms around her and pulled her onto my lap as I sat on the floor. "I wanna die." She said over and over through the tears. I rocked her back and forth and just held her. "I wanna die." She said again. Every time she said it, it broke my heart. If I hadn't come home, she would be gone. 

I almost just lost the woman that I was about to propose to.

Right after she stopped talking, Sarah rushed upstairs. "Oh my gosh!" She screamed as she rushed over to me. "What happened!" She exclaimed. "I wanna die." Lena said again as she kept crying. The tears were falling down my cheeks too. "Sarah, you're mom tried to kill herself." I said. I saw her look at the pills on the floor. I saw the tears start to fall down her face. "Sarah, I need you to go downstairs and call 911." I said. She left the room and came back 5 minutes later. "They're on their way." She said. 

After the ambulance took Lena away, I noticed that there was something sitting on our bed. I read the notes that she had written. She was depressed and she was in pain. She saw that I was sad and that I was miserable. She blamed herself and wanted a way out. She wants me to go back to Behati, but I didn't want to. I wanted to be with Lena. I didn't want Sarah to lose her mom and I didn't want to lose the woman, I hoped would be my wife. 

As I thought about her our wedding day, I received a text from Sarah. 

They're putting mom in a mental hospital. They want her to be watched 24/7. They think she's crazy. They didn't believe me on why she would want to kill herself. They think it's because you broke up with her. They don't believe me because I'm 14. Please dad, don't let them send her there. Please come talk to them dad. I need you. Please. If not for me, then for mom. 

In that moment, I realized how alike Lena and Sarah were. They were more like sisters than mother and daughter. They looked out for each other. They both told me if not for them, then for the other. I couldn't let Sarah be separated from Lena. I texted Sarah back.

I'll be there in 10 minutes. Don't let them take her away. Watch over her Sarah. I'll be there soon.