Love // Thought

Side glances

The line between you and him is dimming; and I don't know what to do.

I fell whole heartedly for him but, what if I truly didn't ?

What if I was meant for you, and you for me? What would we do then?

We give each other these looks, almost acknowledging the fact that we both exist; but is that all it is? Is there nothing else?

Do you look at me like that because you know they are my friends? Or did you actually fall for me?

What if fate decided that we are meant to be? Would we then still fight this? I came here so you'd fall for me.

But what I didn't know was that, maybe you already did. When you seen me before I even seen you... And you asked who I was.

Maybe then was when I fell for you? Maybe because you made me feel like I was actually worth something.

Then once my friends told me about you; I couldn't help but be enchanted. I didn't even know how you looked; well I thought I didn't.

But at the time I didn't know you lived a field away; and that I seen you when we were nine and ten.

Or that you knew who I was, and the slim chance you saved a photo of me or kept tabs on me on social media.

Maybe you saved something of mine, thinking we wouldn't actually meet and I wouldn't fall for you... But we were both wrong.

At the festival it was chaos; because I knew I thought about you too much but she's so in love with you and the ideology of you that I couldn't do that to her.

But when you would walk one direction and us the other, you'd look at me with this intense look, and I'd feel you; with those eyes of yours that could undress me if they wanted to, and I'd look in your direction too. But you'd look away and we'd pretend nothing ever happened.

What do your actions mean? Like when you wait for me to leave the science room first and come behind me? Or when you walk behind me but look at my arse?

We always look but never smile...are we too intense ?

I see the peculiar parts too; avoiding casually because this shouldn't happen. Or when you turn around to "talk to your friends" but you look back at me.

I remember when I seen you for the first time, too. It was a video of you...being an absolute goof. You were smiling and I thought you were kinda cute, but then I was in denial that anyone attractive lived around here.

Then I seen you walking home once, and we did the awkward eye contact thing. And I knew someone out of my limits lived close, and I needed to know who you were.

Id have dreams, of seeing those kids at the pink house, and I never knew why.

I'd often look out at night and think of a cliche romance novel where teenagers living close to each other snuck out to meet each other, not knowing that you lived within the same field as I.

But what if it doesn't work out between us? What if he is actually what I need? He's what I've been infatuated with for the past year...

Can I let him go?

Can I let the part I gave him go?

Can I give the songs and poems about him go?

Fuck baby, I don't know. You do this to me; make me confused that I want to punch your face and kiss the living day lights out of it right after. I guess that, perhaps I'm too afraid.

I'm to afraid to take a chance; because I feel like I've denied so many guys and it's coming back because of karma.

But I hate the thought of you and another girl, I hate to know she's kissed your lips.

Does she treat you right, baby?

Maybe she does, since you guys share more than side glances.