Chapter 29
I fell asleep in the chair, and only woke up when I felt Harry's arm move from behind me. When I finally came to my senses, I noticed Harry was stood at the opposite end of the room, talking to a nurse.
I jumped up immediately, immersing myself into their conversation.
"When can we see them?" I heard Harry ask, and the nurse smiled gently when she noticed me next to his side.
"Right now, if you'd like. They may be tired, as what they've been through has been exhausting, but they want to see you."
She led us to a door, numbered 132, and then she left us be. I stood staring at the door for a moment, and I blamed the shock. But truthfully, I was scared. I thought this life would be everything I had wanted, but it's turning out to be more heart wrenching than my old one. I didn't want to see the pain stricken faces of Ben and my mum. I feared it would be more painful than the news was itself, and I wasn't prepared to see it.
But then Harry was opening the door, holding it for me as I walked through. And then I saw my mum's face in the bed, and Ben sitting in a chair he had moved right next to it.
"Hi," I said softly, tip toeing to the bed. It was quiet in here. They weren't talking and the TV wasn't on. I didn't want to disturb the peace with my footsteps.
My mum nodded at me, and I grabbed her hand, squeezing it. She didn't return the squeeze as she normally would have. Her eyes were bloodshot, and cheeks stained with tears. It absolutely broke my heart.
"Mum, I'm so, incredibly, sorry," I said, fresh tears streaming down my own cheeks now. "I can't imagine what you're going through, I can't, I can't believe this is even happening."
She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut, as if to stop the tears. They escaped regardless, but Ben was there to wipe them away, and that made me happy.
"Gabby," my mum whispered, speaking for the first time, "You better sit down."
My eyes widened in alarm, "What? Why? I'm fine standing."
She shook her head, more tears falling from her beautiful eyes, "Please sit down. I have to tell you something."
I knew that whatever this was, wasn't going to be something I wanted to hear. I almost wanted to run out of the room before she could tell me, but instead, my feet backed up and sat into a chair, scooting it toward her.
"They did some tests on me, Gabby. They believe the cancer is back."
"No, you just got rid of it. It couldn't come back that fast," I denied, shaking my head. There was no way.
"It did. I need to go through some more chemo to try and get rid of it again. We knew this would be a possibility."
Suddenly I didn't know what was worse. The fact that my mum and Ben just lost their daughter; my sister, or the fact that my mum still has cancer. And then add on the fact that Harry and I are basically over. Everything in my life was crashing down on me, and I couldn't handle it.
So instead of comforting my mum and Ben in their time of need, I decided to be selfish. Shocker. I ran out of the room, and wasn't surprised to hear Harry behind me.
"Where are you going?"
"Take me home, please," I stated, walking through the hospital doors.
"You're just going to leave your mum and Ben here? You're just leaving them? Just like that?"
"Yep. I can't deal with it, Harry. It's all too much."
"You can't deal with it, Gabriella? What about your mum? And Ben? They just lost their fucking daughter, and now they found out that her cancer is back. Your mum is going to have to go through chemotherapy again, and you can't deal with it?"
"You know what, Harry. I don't need to be hearing this right now. I don't need you to fucking lecture me on this when we're not even together anymore. So either drive me home now, or I'll have to find other means of transportation."
He looked at me, in shock. "Who are you?"
"I don't fucking know, Harry! I can't stand this anymore. I know I'm not the same fucking Gabby that you met years ago, but guess what? People change. And I'm sorry I'm not nice enough for you, but that's just how I am. And I can't change and I'm just sick of everything falling to shit around me, I can't take it anymore. I'm going home."
I meant that in more than one way. I wanted out of this life. I've had my share of it. It seemed like the perfect one, but I soon realized that the life I had before was perfect.
Sure, I had a shitty boyfriend, and my mum wasn't alive, and I wasn't dating Harry, but I was still me.
So I have a choice now. Do I go back to my old life, where I'm still very much myself, and not this terrible person I've become? If I do so, I lose everything I've gained. I lose my mother, I lose Ben, I lose Harry.
But haven't I lost them already?
Harry can barely look at me the same, and I'm sure Ben and my mother won't be able to soon. I'm not me.
I could stay here, and help my mum through her chemo, and possibly repair my relationship with Harry. But I didn't see how that'd be possible, with the short fuse I've grown in this life.
Both options had its negatives and positives. But which one bared more weight? Which option was the better one?
I hadn't a clue.
But I had an entire walk home to figure it out, since Harry turned around, and walked back into the hospital without me.
And I had a feeling this was it.
He wasn't just walking into the hospital.
He was walking out of my life.
