Adhoori Kahani (Love : Depression to Inspiration )

My Diary Part-2

During the summer of '14, i was kinda suffering from Caraphernelia because of my breakup from a serious relationship. It was really painful for me.
These are some pages full of my unsaid words during my depression.
Pages of my Diary.

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Life is all about keep on going and not watching back, expecting someone to come along with you.

Person who never loved you and just used you to pass her time, doesn't deserve you.

She never loved the way you did.. dude chill!

It was a complete mis-match.

This drama was played but the God itself, to show you your strength, how much hard you can be and to switch o your emotion part of your brain.
Now its done!
Its better to leave your past with learning the lessons and to live your presents by new concepts.

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Dont you feel guilty, You did right!
You are right. Person, who puts you in this condition, must go through with those words..

Whatever you did was worth for your self respect.

She divested you this much.
You cried hell lot of times but she never cared so she deserved those words.
Its your win!

How many times she did the things, which almost killed you!

Shitt... She is the biggest enemy of your happiness, You should smile now.

She just gave you lemons...
Add some salt and water.. lets prepare the Lemonaid...

(Last night of that day, i had a fight with her. I was really angry because of her behaviour towards me.
She started ignoring me because of some new people who recently came into her life.
I asked her many times not to ignore me like this and to spare atleast some time but she continued to do the same.
Even she started to showing that she was doing a favor by sparing all the time to me or even replying my messeges.
I know, During her new life, it was just normal for her to being busy and i was forcing her to be the same as she was.
Its me, who was on the wrong side because i never changed.
On that night i almost bursted out of some really bad words for her.
She was hurt, Maybe!
But I was getting hurt for months so i thought it was not a big deal.
I still dont know whether i did it wrong or right, but i regretted my decision and apologized to herby the very next day.
It was the last nail in coffin and we started to cutting off our online conversations!)

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Been a long time i'm writing but during recent days i went though some of the very low levels of my emotional state, in the night, day, alone, in the crowdy area, during work, in traffic, everywhere i was just thinking endlessly..
What is it actually? why am i getting confused for my existance?
Who am i? What do i need? What do i deserve? What is the real happiness? Whom to believe? What is love?
What was that thing she claimed to be 'Love'?

Why every question ends with her?
She is still much into me and i dont know the reason!
Even if she betrayed me this much, She left me as soon as she get an option..
She left me between the sea, i know its too hard but i finally i realized that i have to swim out the sea on my own and it my misconception that she would return for me.
I have to stop waiting and start swimming.

I have realized that depression is like drowing in the deep water and you can see the people, nearby you, still breathing properly and comfortably.
Anyways, This pain encourage me to do something better,Better that yesterday. :')

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Why is this keep me hurting so much?

I should wait for the time till i will turn my self into a happy guy again.

Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people.

You cant be fixed by the person who broke you.

Not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until facing.

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I have a self respect and i will preserve it, however it costs! I won't let anybody hurt my self respect.

I know that i can achieve higher goals so why not to try?
Yes! Struggle!
If i can do it, I will do it, Whatever it takes.

अभी रास्ता दिखा है, आगे तो मुकाम बाकी है
इस ज़िन्दगी का अभी इम्तेहान बाकी है
अभी तो नापी है बस मुठ्ठी भर ये ज़मीं
इसके आगे तो अभी सारा आसमान बाकी है।
( Its just the path that has shown up, Destination yet to arrieved further,
The Real obstacles of life are yet to be passed,
We are just experienced a tiny part of the ground,
All the dimensions of the sky are yet to be experienced.)

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Sometimes things from past may touch you again, it happens just because to check the strength of the wall you made between you and your painful past.
All you need to do is to just keep all your will power and strength with you.
Show it that you are becoming stronger day by day.

Yeah! Its too much hard and painful to hold your broken pieces, Standing just alone, Bounding yourself with all those wounds, tears, in the blood rain with all gloomy scenario.

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A single person cant change my life, One cant turn me down like this.
All of this happening just because of me.

Doesn't matter if she cares about you or not, You maybe the main chapter of the book of someone else... Wait and watch bruhh...

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Biggest mistake one can do is to loose yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too. ;)=

(It was the day before her birthday..
i was really struggling with every second of my life. I was continuously thinking what to do by next day..
it was almost one and half months we met last...
Anyhow i decided not wish her on that day.
As in recent parts i already wrote that what happened on that day..
Yes! I cried in front of my best friends.. lol.. i turned into a typical ashique)

As i wrote, she was like a 'Resilience In My Pessimistic Yerk-thoughts', i would mention her as R.I.M.P.Y. in further parts.