Adhoori Kahani (Love : Depression to Inspiration )

Things i couldn't tell you

Things I haven't told you. I thought falling in love with you was the best thing to happen to me. I believed that you were the only one who could help me heal, who could save me from the destructive force that I was to myself. Every time you smiled, I felt like this was the happiness I needed for the rest of my life. Your voice calmed my demons, your presence erased my depression. I found my anxieties, existential crises, negativities, all quietly dissolving with every word you spoke. I guess I attached too many hopes to your name.I remember when we had met after a month, and I had waited for the moment when you would finally touch me. And they don't lie, those poets, because it did feel like an eternity had passed and you were my salvation from perdition. Your fingers exploring my back made me want to explode in a million particles, such was the ecstasy, I knew that no other would evoke this bliss that still makes me relive those moments.

I didn't tell you that pleasing you elevated my heart. That when you wrapped your arm around my shoulder I felt like the world didn't matter anymore.

That your heartbeat was my favorite song and my cheek pressed to your chest my favorite painting.

I didn't tell you that my moans asking you to never stop were only a prayer to the universe to let you be mine forever.

What I didn't tell you that when you said you didn't feel the same for me, I pretended really hard to hold myself together. But I had never crumbled apart so instantly and permanently.

I remember that once I had hurt you, and I had felt such overwhelming guilt that I found the sharpest thing and sliced my skin until the pain washed away my guilt and I could face you again. I was a fool to feel so much, and I still am, tell me the scars that never left. They mar my arm to thisday, a permanent reminder of the feelings that made me so despicably weak. I cannot blame you for not caring, because I was the one washed away in mindless happiness.

But the day you told me you didn't, you couldn't and you wouldn't, I proceeded to wipe out my feelings. One by one. So that I wouldn't simply give myself away like that again. I don't hate you, it is a good thing that you happened to me because you gave me a happiness that will remain more than special till eternity.

You aren't a lesson, you aren't a heartbreak, you aren't a story or a hated ex, you are that one unforgotten kiss in a lifetime of fleeting connections. :)