Adhoori Kahani (Love : Depression to Inspiration )

In The Morning

As soon as i got up from my bed and grabbed my cell as i do, i saw something unexpected in the notification bar.
It was her message on whatsapp. I got goosebumpes instantly. My eyes spread widest and I was feeling like i never slept for years.. The sound of people,vehicals etc , which was coming from outside stopped instantly and lights faded away.. I was feeling like i was paralyzed or probably in coma. I went back to the time when she messeged me last time and it was 4 january '15 almost 5 months before.
*
It was the day of my Design Exam of 9th sem. I was getting ready and trying to keep myself cheer up as in design exam we have to keep working for 6 hours per day countinuosly for 3 days. (I tell you its one of the Longest and stressfull exam of the world.)
Before leaving to exam i thought to switch off my cell and put it into my cupboard. I unlocked the cell to check and clean notification bar, but suddenly i saw something which made the shock wave flew into me. It was her, She dropped a message in the morning.
I was stunned, I was standing there and shivering silently, Thinking hell lots of things in my zero state.
My concious mind slowed down and subconcious mind took over the command of my body. I was standing somewhere in black space.
After couple.of minutes one of my friend entered in the room and asked me, "Abey kya hua tujhe, varun",(Hey, what happend to you, varun?).
I didnt noticed what he said and he asked me again and shook me once..
I said," usne msg kiya mujhe!" ( she messaged me).
Then he said," Dekha khud hi ayi na, Khush hoja yar, aj exam dena hai.. " ( see,She herself turned back, dont worry, we have an exam today).

Anyways i switched off my cell and left for exam but all the day those words were roaming around my head.
In the message she asked me for the explaination for what we fought about, back in June '14.
Although it was completely irrelevent message at that time but i stuck back with her memories and could not appeared my exam pretty well. After coming back to the room i replied her with all of my strength and will power.

I wrote, " NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ", yes i wrote that in caps. I dint want her to reply me back. It could make my condition worse. But deep down inside my heart i really want to write that.. No matter what happened.. i still love you with all of my faith.. i still wait for you on the same place we were together last time.
But my self respect did not allow to do the same.
She never replied me back for that.
*
Anyways my conciousness came back to the morning where i was laying with, my cell was in my hand and my eyes were on the ceiling thinking all the things. I opened my whatsapp and saw her messege.
She - Hi
Just two letters in alphbetical order. what does she mean?What does she wants? Why she messeged me? Did i do something wrong last night? Omg
But its been a long time i dont care. Maybe she mistakenly messeged me.

Those two words made a huge storm in my mind and i thought of every possibility exist in the universe for her to messege me.
Finally i decided to reply back with almost same emotion(less) reaction and i typed- Hey!

and stood up to get braced myself up for the upcoming battle. (I went to get fresh and have breakfast.)

After couple of hours my cell ringed for the messege and it was one the most horrific sound i ever heared. It thrilled me to the spine.
I slowly reached my cell and unlocked it by praying my God in my mind.

She - Kaisa hai ( How are you?)
Me - Mast.. You say.. ( great)
She - hows everything going?

I felt something fishy here and thought to get some time for myself. As i was on an active conversation with her after one year. I decided to go out and have a tea with my friends. We made our way to the tea stall and had tea. I was feeling like tons of the weight on my head. I couldn't concentrate on what was i doing at that time. After some time i returned back to my room and decided to reply her now.

I wrote - Everything is going fine.
( I intentionally did not ask about her. I wanted her to think that i was not so interested to talk to her and i dont care although it was like a one hard job for me to reply her back)

She was offline at that time but messege was sent.

For the first time in my life i waited for her messege with a wish, not to get back a reply.

After one hour of hard time i saw her online status.. and suddenly it turned to typing as soon as my messege was seen.
She took a while to write something. My heartbeat was touching the height of the Eiffel tower and going deep down to the deep of sea at at the same time. I was breathing heavily. I remmeber i was sweating too.
Finally after a century long like wait of couple of seconds, she replied back.

She wrote - ham kabhi dost nahi the kya? ( we were meant to be friends once.. weren't we?)

I almost got a panic attack. I shattered into the pieces in seconds. It was like one of the worst thing happend to my heart in recent months.. My heart started shouting.. "Friends? You are the thing which affeceted me the most. You are the only person for whom i cried alot. You were the only one for whom my heart beated. You were the only one whose smile turned my world around... damn!",
I was crying from inside... i packed my self up and started thinking what to reply. I decided not to get lost away in the flow and to keep it slow.

I replied -Is it a tricky question?

She- no just simple one.

Me - umm.. See its been a long time time.. we have changed a lot.

She- han.. ham kafi badal chuke hain
( yes, we have changed a lot)

Me - but why?

She - To main na samjhu? ( so should i assume it to your rejection)

Here i asked myself.. "why is she getting in rejection thing just for the confirmation, if we were friends or not.. i should check it further". And i replied.

Me- I never said no.. but the big question is.. why this question is raising after such a long time? You never messeged me back

She- you could have messeged me also.

She was going to the point i was assuming before.

Me-i was losing my self respect being the only one to messege in we both. Last time you replied me to text me back as you were busy in shopping. I waited for your message but you never replied for like three months straight.

She- I dint reply and what you did?

My emotions started flowing down to my words and i replied with wet eyes.

Me- Its only me who know what i did!
I worked in an office in summers and kept my self busy in work to fight with depression. I was alone at my place as it was vacation time. I worked so much for the office that the boss was so impressed with me.

She - wow, kya kahun kuch samjh nahi araha (i am speechless)

Me- same here.

By this time most of the over flowed emotiones were cooled down and i didn't want to say anything more to her as i knew she had a dead heart inside her.
After some messages, converstion became formal. She asked me about my college and stuff. I told her certain things about my life but didn't ask a single thing about that of her, because i knew that if she would tell me even a single thing about her, that would be spinning around my head for next couple of weeks or even months.
Finally we said bye to each other.
I decided to keep myself away from her and after she left the chat i instantly deleted the conversation. After some hours of sleep i started working on my thesis.

"Little did i know that many things had been changed in last couple of hours."