Dire Lust 2 [Book 2]

Six

August

That Saturday was Teyanna's birthday.

I got up early that morning dressed Zahir as warm as I could, and took him to see his mother.

I fought with myself to forget the plans that we made for this birthday right before she died.

At first, she wanted a big party since she finally had a job and things were coming together for her.

But once she found out she was pregnant, she just wanted the three of us to take a small trip.

The cemetery was eerie at nine o'clock on a winter morning. I held onto Zahir tightly as I walked past grave after grave until I reached the right headstone.

Deflated balloons and dead flowers stuck out from underneath the snow; evidence from my past visits.

I visited Teyanna's grave every week.

This all felt like a crazy dream. One day, she was here. the next, she was gone.

In the blink of an eye, with the snap of a finger, she was no longer here. If it wasn't for Zahir, it would be hard to remember her besides my memories, a few pictures, and where she lay to rest.

I stood at her grave; staring at the engraved letters of her name on the headstone and holding Zahir's cheek against my lips.

The smell of Johnson and Johnson overwhelmed me and brought tears to my eyes. There was nothing I loved more than the women that I was in company with.

I knew Teyanna's soul wasn't in that grave, but she definately lived through Zahir.

They were twins.

I was so grateful that God saw fit to give Zahir his mother's face so I could see Teyanna in other ways than in my dreams.

Zahir even had his mothers light skin, long lashes, and the one lonely dimple in his left cheek.

In a million years, I never would have guessed that, on that day, and at that moment, that's where I'd be standing.

I thought I had time; time to love Teyanna right, time to show her the man I could be, time to wife her.

That time was taken away from me. I blamed myself. I knew that had I been man enough and smart enough to get money legally, she would still be alive.

I lived with that guilt everyday.

Everyday, I lived in fear that her spirit was living on and hating me for putting her in harm's way.

I blamed myself, but I knew that ultimately Deuce was at fault. That day, the pain in my heart that stabbed through every vessel Everytime I thought of the merciless way that Nigga shot my love down ached just as bad as it did the day I saw her lifeless body fighting for the ability to live.

But on that day, as the small cooing sounds flowing from my son's lips flooded my ears abd out the only genuine smile on my face since his mother died.

I knew then that I was undoubtedly going to kill my cousin.

***

Jared

Life was finally feeling somewhat back to normal. I'd spent the last few days looking for a job.

I knew that no job I found would take care of me substantially, but it would be something to hold me down until I figured things out.

I was still living in the motel. Although, on the days I kicked it with Atika, I stayed at her place.

Atika...