Flyover City! A Novel (with Superheroes)

6. The Powerazzi!

So it's happened again. Four hours ago, only a handful of people had ever even heard of secretID.net: the webmaster, his girlfriend, the couple of hapless "citizen journalists" who submitted stories to the site, and me. They were an also-ran, stalled alongside the information superhighway, posting links to better-known and better-written and better-connected websites. You know, the sites with the "inside scoop" on who Immaterial Girl is dating, now that she's divorced from Thermo, and who's rumored to be getting their walking papers from The Agency. (Ultraphenomenon and Danger Monkey, respectively. And it's a well accepted fact that the latter has been on probation since the day he signed on. The guy is a few genes short of a homo sapien, after all). They won me over last year when they scored an interview with Lilywatt (who I pay some lo-fi heroine worship to) so I check them out a couple times a week.

But then, at 2 p.m. Eastern time today, they won the coveted search-engine sweepstakes, solidifying their status as an official member of the so-called "Powerazzi". With the help of an "anonymous source", they managed to out Seattle's own Emerald City Avenger, Vanguardian.

Apparently, SecretID received a tip from an anonymous hacker, who made their way into the 'Gaurdian's email account. Autograph requests from kids, naked pictures of lonely housewives from the Midwest, jilted renters seeking out a little of that "vigilante justice" for their landlords; pretty much exactly what you would expect.

But then there were these other emails, forwarded from the work address of one Scott Tanner, a programmer for a Seattle area dot.com. Expense reports, 401k information, electronic pay stubs. From there, all it took was a resourceful photographer tailing him for a couple days for the truth to come out.

SecretID's server has been decimated from all the traffic, but the information is already posted all over the 'Net... and now the world is short one more hero.

Jeez, "began his crime-fighting career at 20". It always bugs me to think of heroes being younger than me. And he had a better job, too.

I remember in middle school, when grunge was all the rage; everybody speculated that Denver would be the next Seattle. It was only a matter of time before we'd be "made", with our very own neohuman protector, and our music scene would be the biggest thing in the world. Instead, we got legalized weed and a microbrewery on every corner.

I know that I'm exactly the kind of groupie that these sites are targeted to. And no, Vanguardian isn't - or wasn't - exactly top-tier, but this sort of thing sets a pretty dangerous precedent. There's been rumors that The Agency may set up outed neohumans in other cities, under assumed civilian identities, where they'll take on new code-names and costumes. But what happens when the Powerazzi manages to crack one of the top-10? The Alphamale, Ultraphenomenon, Greyraven, The Mage... these guys are icons, bigger than the flesh and blood beneath the body-armors. They're symbols, living embodiments of the zeitgeist. The mere mention of their names makes third world dictators reconsider their line of work. The best marketing campaign in the world can't re-create that kind of buzz.

I read a magazine article last week that blamed the whole Powerazzi phenomenon on the book "Greyraven: The Unauthorized Biography". Bullshit. That book is a work of unprecedented journalistic brilliance, written with all the integrity that suggests. I keep my copy of it on my bedside table, signed, from when the author was at the Tattered Cover a few years ago.

Olympic fencer and silent movie star Oliver Girard created the persona of Greyraven nearly 80 years ago. It hurt exactly no one when it was revealed that he trained his body to peak physical condition under the tutelage of Harry Houdini, that he took up his crusade against injustice when his wife was murdered by ruthless gangsters. It's ancient history. So what if the book revealed that the mantle has been passed down, from generation to generation, to his dedicated sidekick, Darkstreak ("The Teen Terror")? There's been no less than SEVEN Darkstreaks since 1940, when Greyraven first switched from his fedora and domino mask combo to his trademark hood and cape. What about Scarab, Miss Masque, or The Green Lama, or any of the other old schoolers who voluntarily went public over the years? For all the "retribution" hysteria, they've all managed to live long, healthy lives.

Greyraven: TUB is a work of genius. I can only hope that I one day I'll have the chops to write something that amazing, after cutting my teeth on endless puff-pieces about hot dogs and paleo-friendly cupcakes.

(Note to self: due Monday)

Trust me, if anyone ever attempts to tarnish the legacy of the 'Raven, I'll don a utility belt and kick their ass myself.