100 days without you

3//day four

Dear Louis,
Today was your funeral and it went something like this:
"Now here comes Harry Styles best friend of Louis Tomlinson."

"Boyfriend, I'm his boy friend actually."

I got sad and confused stares from everyone. Then I said my eulogy
"Louis you where and still are the love of me life. We planned to tell everyone soon but you didn't stick around for that. You didn't even leave a note... I know I shouldn't be this angry at you, but how can I not. You are making me feel such extreme pain that I never thought I could feel before. Every night I turn around in our bed expecting to see you and to cuddle but when I open my eyes I see nothing and it makes me sick. Every morning there is nothing and I don't think i'll ever be able to get used to it. I miss you Lou every one does and no one will ever be able to replace you."

You had an open casket, when I pased by you I smiled because you still look beautiful even with he terribly applied makeup to cover the rope burn around your neck. My smile quickly faded when I held your soft hand expecting you to wake up or squeeze my hand back but you didn't you just layed there lifeless and cold. I took a second look and realized that's not the Lou I knew. You were beautiful, but where was the warmth and love anybody could feel radiating off of you when you where alive. I felt sick to my stomach, I stared sobbing and ran to the bahroom where I threw up my breakfast the boys made me eat. While I was throwing up I felt someone grab my hair so it was out of the way. When I was done I realized it was Zayn, surprisingly since that big fight you had he gave me a mint and a shoulder to cry on. I hope you are okay with that.