R.I.P Bon

Chapter 9

I parked my car and jumped out hastily, scanning my eyes over the length of the clifftop. The sun was setting over the distant horizon, turning the ocean waves of fiery red and purple. My senses were immediately met by a strong gust of sea water as my messy brown hair was whipped into my eyes, the afternoon wind strong and destructive. My eyes stopped abruptly as they found what I was searching for, causing my pulse to race at a million miles an hour, my hands tightening into automatic fists. In the park bordering the cliff edge my eyes found Jared, working out by himself.

I found myself charging towards him at full pace and before my mind had the opportunity to register what I was doing, every ounce of anger that I had been feeling since Bon's death seemed to force itself into my closed fist with such pressure that I punched him, square in the face. An unfamiliar combination of power and adrenaline washed over me as I watched his strong body lurch backwards and hit the the ground before me, clutching at his now bleeding, possible broken, nose with his a confused look on his once threatening face. The realistic side of me knew that this was a fight that I could not physically win, however as the 6 foot tall bully lay on the grassy earth at my feet with a vulnerable look in his eyes, the anger that had been building up deep inside me convinced me that I was double his size.

It didn't take long for Jared's self defense mechanism to react before we found ourselves in a brawl, edging closer and closer to the cliff's edge with every punch, kick and push. My ribs ached each time his strong fists collided with my weak body, cuts and bruises forming on every inch of my skin. And yet, despite the strength and skill this boy had gained from a lifetime spent bullying, abusing and demeaning others, there was no anger fueling his every move; there was no fight behind his actions. So against all odds, I found myself pushing all my weight on top of him as both my hands tightened strongly around his throat, his head mere inches from the cliff's edge.

Behind his head, I had a clear view of the angry ocean that thrashed against the sharp rocks lining the bottom of the cliff, hundreds of meters below us. The steep drop was sharp, but the jagged rocks that occupied the cliff face warned me that it would not be smooth. If I were to release him now, he would surely fall to an inevitable death, washed away by the strong tide as soon as his body hit the sharp rocks below. As my hands clasped at his strong throat, his body made weak attempts at escaping, but as he seemed to accept the fact that he had lost control completely, his eyes welled with pain and defeat. Game over. I thought to myself. The vacant expression that he had worn at Bon's funeral had seemed to settled into his face, and as his brown eyes, wide with fear, met mine, I could physically feel the anger that flooded through my body.

“Tyler please don't do this,” he pleaded weakly. Pleading for me to stop putting him through pain. Fearing me, and what I was capable of. The same feelings he had made Bon live with, every single day of his life. He evidently didn't listen to any of Bon's final pleads, so why the hell should I listen to his.

“And what makes you believe you deserve to live, huh? What gives that stone cold heart in your chest the right to beat? That air that your lungs turn to poison, what gives you the right to breath it?” I spat at him, anger fueling my every word. “You made Bon's life a living hell, and now you are the reason he's dead.”

“I'm sorry-” he blurted out, causing me to laugh sarcastically.

“The only thing you're sorry about is that someone finally figured out the monster that you truly are. And now you're going to pay for it.” I tightened my grip around his neck as I spoke, watching him gasp desperately for air.

The world around me began moving in slow motion as I watched the life begin to leave the lungs of the young man who lay beneath me, pleading for survival. I felt an icy coldness wash over me as I saw Bon's appear figure in my mind, so vivid and real that I swore I could reach out and touch him. His ocean blue eyes held nothing but sadness as he watched over me in disappointment.

“This isn't what I wanted Tyler.”

My mind raced at a million miles an hour, and my throat seemed to tighten around the words I so desperately wanted to release. Bon's voice held such such clarity, exactly the way I remembered it, as though he were standing right before me.

“Look at him,” he said. “A young man with his whole life laid out before him.”

“He's a monster,” I suddenly snapped.

“He's a human being, a human being with an unfavourable past that has turned him into the person that he is today. You can see it in his eyes, Tyler, I know you can. He's living with his mistakes, every single day. He knows what he's done, and he will never forgive himself for it. If you let him die now, you'll only bring more pain to yourself, and to everyone around you. He'll fall to his death and be free from all of his misery; he won't have to answer for any of his actions. But if you choose to release him, he'll spend the rest of his life living with what he's done. And that's more punishment than you can ever induce upon him. Hating the person you are, it's the most dangerous thing a person can ever do to themselves. Release him, and let him face what he's done. Or let him fall, and live the rest of your life facing what you've done.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I watched as Bon disappeared before my very eyes and the world around me began to race again. I quickly looked down at the man who's throat I held tightly between my hands, his face turning an unhealthy shade of purple, his eyelids struggling to stay open. And as I looked into those emotionless brown eyes, I knew what I had to do. I groaned as I roughly pulled his heavy body away from the cliff edge, releasing my tight grip from his throat. I watched as he lay hunched over on the grass, coughing and grasping at the bruises that had already began forming around his throat, in the distinct shape of hand marks.

His gaze faltered and hesitantly rose to meet mine, and for a moment we both remained in complete silence, staring at one another. The cold wind howled gently and as I looked at him, lying on the cold ground; he held the vulnerability of a young boy, and I couldn't help but wonder who it was that bullied him through his childhood to turn him into the monster that he is today. I found that anger no longer boiled in the pit of my stomach and my hands, tightened into fists, loosened themselves gently. The longer I looked at him, the less urge I had to hurt him, to inflict the pain that I felt onto him. A part of me knew that what had just happened would change this boy for the rest of his life, that the only person he would be hurting from now on would be himself, with the nightmares that are now his thoughts.

Without speaking another word I turned, leaving Jared lying on the cold earth, the same way he had probably left Bon on multiple occasions, and returned to my car. As I drove away into the dusk I exhaled slowly to calm myself, gripping my hands around the steering wheel tightly to stop them from shaking. It terrified me, right down to every bone in my body, exactly what these hands where capable of. I had nearly just been responsible for the death of another human being, and what did that make me? I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind and focused on the road before me.