Words cut deep a Dan+Phil fanfic

Always here...xx

Dan and Phil decided to spend the day watching movies. Phil had bought some the previous day specially, so Dan had faked a grin and agreed. His arms stung now with the previous nights cuts burning. Dan tried to ignore this and focus on the film but it was difficult. They itched more than ever. Now that he could feel pain, he was wandering what to do, if he cut himself, it would solve everything. Even if it stung a bit, the amount of pain it relieved was worth it. He ignored it and finally lost himself in the film, and it was really good. He realised that he had been distracted. /properly/ distracted for the first time in days. This scared him. He didn't want distractions, he wanted to focus. He just kept telling himself he deserved it, over and over. Over time, he began to believe it and whenever he thought about himself as a person, he would screw his face up. The first things that came to his mind were the things the voices had been telling him, he was /useless/ although he had friends...well, Phil. He couldn't help but feel that Phil only hung out with him because he felt pity for him. Like you would a really dumb person, or someone with a disease. That was basically what he was. He was stupid and ugly and useless. What was he bringing to this world? He wouldn't be remembered. Just one of the billions of people that live and die every day. He meant nothing to society, nothing to anyone. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine what would happen if he died. Would anyone miss him? He thought about Phils innocent face and felt tears filling his eyes, but then he thought about Chris and PJ...he would forget about Dan with those guys around. At first this made Dan feel better, knowing that there were no strings attached and if he really wanted to, he could end it all. But then the anger took over, he wanted to be remembered. He smirked at an image in his mind of Phil weeping by his grave, begging Dans dead body for forgiveness. That would teach him...his fingers shook as he rifled through the drawer for the knife. For a moment he gently ran it over his veins, the thoughts taking over, but then he told himself that he could make those voices go away too. He did the usual, still hearing the voices faintly, slowly getting louder again. He stuck the knife deeper, sighing in relief at the blood, like he had just put his feet up after miles of walking. It felt so /good/. He smiled, before going into the sitting room to snuggle up with Phil. Just to throw him off the scent a bit.../do you really love Phil?/ a voice in his head sprang up from nowhere. Of course, he thought, shaking. he just loved self harm more...

..................................................,.....................((KNOCK KNOCK who's there? DORIS Doris who? Doris locked, that's why I knocked)) yes I realise I have a retarded sense of humour ^.^ ((Oh and Elin? Thank you for all the talks, hugs and late night chats on Facebook bout dan, phil, placenta cookies, cheesy jokes and swaginess xx))