Words cut deep a Dan+Phil fanfic

The End....maybe?

((Still)) DANS POV

Argh. Pain is surging through my bones. Physical pain. Stupid Phil. I fucking hate him. I tear into my room, grabbing the knife and sinking it into my skin. It hurts. REALLY hurts. I haven't done this for so long. It's no longer a pleasure. But I don't care. Ill make it one. I need this so bad. It's so painful, but I deserve it. I pushed Phil away. /stupid. useless. Nobody wants you. Not Phil, not anyone/ I slice deeper and deeper, blood everywhere, but not enough. I can still feel. Phil, his name still brings me pain. I can still remember. I /neeed/ this. I can't see anything, through tears. Blurs of red and silver cross my eyelids, and I can feel myself blacking out...

PHILS POV

everyone's laughing. Having a good time. I am having a good time. I /am/. Well that's what I need to tell myself. I down my vodka. Then order another. "You ok?" Peej grins. "Amazing" I reply, slightly slurred. "Let's dance" I shout, a bit too loudly. I grab Chris and we dance, the music drowning everything else out. But I can't be bothered. I rather be curled up with Dan...I feel a tear run down my cheek. I brush it away, gulping at my drink. I'm a bit unstable. Chris looks worried. "We should get you home.." "Mo!" I protest. "Wunn morrr dwrinkk" come on PJ smiles. "You can crash at our place" ....

The clock says 12:47pm. I guess I blacked out. I'm on the sofa at Chris and PJs. And my head kills. /dan/. guilt rushes through me. Why hadn't I gone home? Why Chris and PJ?..The ones Dan hates the most... Oh god...the argument...I groan. Chris sticks his head around the door and smirks. "Coffee..?" He asks, placing a mug down in front of me. I take it, gratefully. "I should...Dan...I-" Chris looks wary. "You love him don't you?" He asks "more than anything" I confirm automatically, suddenly realising its true. "Why'd you ask?" I wander aloud. "Cause you'd need to in order to put up with him!" He's laughing, but harshly. At Dan. /my/ Dan. I glare at him. How dare he?! "Why did I ever hang out with you guys?" I ask bluntly. "To piss your precious Dan off" Chris smirks. "When right now, he's probably sulking. Pissed about stupid Philly willy." I gulp. "No. Right now he needs me. And I need him. More than anything, and especially more than you..." I get up and storm out. God I hope Dan can forgive me. I've been so stupid. I love him. /need/ him. And he needs me. God knows what he's done without me...I break into a run. Then Crash through the door. "Dan?!" I call. "Dan?!" No reply. I panic. "Dan?..." "Please?" I'm crying now, running to his room. And there he is. In his room, a mess of blood. I let out a strangled scream. "No! No please Dan no!" I shake him, but he doesn't move. I call an ambulance, still shaking and calling. Nothing. "NOOOO!!! OH GOD NO!" "Please?!" I beg. I sob, so hard. "I need you!" "You can't! You can't leave me..ok? I need you. More than anything. More than life itself..."

At the hospital, Dan is lying still. I just lay sobbing. I know what's coming, and suddenly I know how Dan feels. Never have I wanted to shoot myself more, than right now. Sure, I fight with Dan, but I love him. I should've done more...it was all my fault. This is all my fault...