If you were me

Phil's Story

The sun had set and they were now lying in almost compete darkness, the only light the beams of the moon shining through the condensated window. Phil snuggled back down into Dan's chest and giggled slightly, the situation getting too much for him. "We're such fucking clichés Dan Howell. Look at us." He gestured at their entangled limbs on the cold-comforting floor, his tongue poking out between his teeth as he laughed. Dan lay his head back and smiled too, despite himself. "You're right. Anyway, I only love you ironically." Phil swatted his chest with the back of his hand but continued to laugh, anyway.  

The mood calmed back down quickly, as Dan started drawing lazy circles on Phil's back with his thumb. "You know, I've never had anything like this before, hell, you were my first kiss. Apart from Stacy in year three, does that count? Well anyway, you know what I mean. You're the first person who means something to me, apart from Peej. But I guess I've always felt like a burden to him, he always has to look after me like a flipping child. It's nice to feel needed by someone." Dan nodded, feeling the same way and encouraging him to go on. "But what about your family, your parents?" Dan asked, curious. "I was really close to them when I was younger, but when they both got new jobs, they started coming home late and arguing whenever they were together. Business trips went from two days to two weeks long. They spent so much time arguing or not being there at all that they just forgot me. I had never felt more alone." Phil paused and took in a deep breath. "When I was fifteen, I came out to them. We were all sat down at the dinner table together for the first time in, well, years. Mum was sat on her phone looking through emails and dad was reading a letter. I just said it suddenly, tired of that fucking silence, and waited. Thirty seconds went by. A minute. Two minutes. Silence. I waited for a shout, a slam, a cri, a punch.. but none of it came. They just sat there 

eating their damn pot noodles and didn't even look up. Nothing. Fucking nothing. A month later they announced their divorce and that I was being sent to a boarding school, as they 'couldn't look after both me and their work.' Clearly their work was more important." He let out a bitter laugh. "And you know the funny thing is, back there I yearned for attention and here I'm drowning in it."  

Dan looked down at the now quiet Phil, not stopping the soothing notions with his thumb. He hadn't expected that. Maybe homophobic parents that freaked and thrown him out on the street, perhaps even beating him. But he wasn't in some high school drama, despite his romance made it seem so. Phil had been driven from his home with nothing but pure silence. And it must have been pretty damn painful if it had left him like this.                                         

Hi, I'm not dead! Hope you enjoyed this, calm before the storm perhaps... xxx