Masked / L.B /

Chapter 7 ~ Scars and Beautiful Surrondings!

Luke ~

Glancing down at my arm at all the different kinds of scars that are imprinted on my delicate skin, I like to say its my art work because I made it and I'm happy with how it looks. That may sound odd but I like it, I like the art I have caused on my arm. The lines that hover over my disgusting veins, the lines that may cause pain but than also make me feel relieved, the lines that people may find disturbing when they look but that's there problem.

Peoples idea of artwork is like any other persons perspective of it, it's made with ordinary things like pencils, paints, pens and loads of other stuff, but I feel my idea of it is unique, it's not like any others, I like to have my artwork everywhere I go, I can't bring a painting with me and carry it around everywhere, I don't like to have my artwork on show, well that's very hard if you have to carry a board with a huge picture on it everywhere you go, I like to be able to do my artwork anywhere at anytime.

Scars are meant to be horrible, disgusting things that Lie on you skin that once was beautiful but now it's ruined by those so called things.
But to me there BEAUTIFUL. They make me feel relieved, they make the pain go away, just like my brother but I don't like to associate my twin brother and scars into one sentence because obviously they are two completely different things although they both do the same thing to me which is make me relieved and happy, I still don't like to associate them.

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Although I see the world differently than others, which is depressing and dark, I still manage to find beautiful things. To me the beach is my beautiful surrounding. I go there whenever I feel depressed and I don't have Jai by my side, which is hardly ever considering he's with me nearly all the time, but he does have his own life aswell and he does go out to places with friends which gives me the chance to go to a place which also makes me happy. Although Jai still goes out with friends whereas for me I don't, he's still got to make sure I'm safe, he knows I love to go to the beach so if he knows I have something to do he won't feel as bad, but he's still so protective. When I go to the beach I have to make sure at least I have someone with me, but whoever it is has to at least stand 15 feet away from me so I can still have peace. I also have to have my phone off silent ALL the time whenever I'm not with him so he knows I'm safe.

Jai is Currently asleep in the living room so I have decided to go to the beach and not tell him, I know that sounds mean and trust me I will feel bad but I'm in that mood where I need to be alone in a relaxing place and the beach is perfect for me right now.

I'm being as quiet as I can right now because although I'm such a heavy sleeper Jai is the opposite, he wakes up so easily even if you move a feather than BOOM he's wide awake I have no idea what's wrong with him but I will be surprised if he doesn't wake up.

I made it, I actually managed to get out of the house without waking Jai up! Woah that's a change. Anyway I was walking down to the beach when I heard footsteps coming from behind me. I got a bit conscious so I walked way faster than before, but I can still hear them it's like it's constantly there, the sound, right behind me but Everytime I look there's no one there, ok I'm getting freaked out now.
I just choose to ignore it and carry on down to the beach.
*At the beach*
I run my fingers through the soft sand and look out into the sea. The beach is such a beautiful place, I've never seen the world in this kind of perspective before, I've always seen it in black and white I've never noticed how beautiful it could be sometimes. However to me it still is dark and depressing I just can't change how I feel. I'm still an alone worthless boy who is getting no where in life and I feel I have let everyone down especially Jai. I feel I am holding him back from the world and that's exactly what I don't want to do.

I'm hearing voices in my head telling me to die and cut. Am I going crazy? I'm scared and afraid these are the times where I need Jai by My side. Going without telling him was a horrible idea and I feel terrible. I just want to curl up in a ball and die, escape, vanish that's all I want to do but I don't want to leave Jai and If I did I would never forgive myself, never.