Shine On Me

emotions

"Yeah bye, love you too" I said as Selena pulled away from our hug and walked out of my room. I have a sliding glass door in my room that leads onto a deck and spiral stares lead all the way down to my back yard. when we first moved in I wanted this room because it'd easier to take Oliver, my puppy outside when he needed to go.

I closed the sliding door and slipped off my ugg boots next to my desk. I didn't want Selena to sleep over. I didn't feel like talking or singing or watching movies. A few hours ago I could've fainted into a deep sleep if I laid my head down. Now I'm wide awake.

I turned on my iPod dock and shuffled my iPod on a very low volume. I didn't want to I disturb my parents they were probably fast asleep. I laid on my bed with my phone in my hands scrolling through twitter. when all of a sudden I got a text

"Hey demz, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages! i know it's late, text me in the morning and we'll plan a time to get together. miss you" I read his text three times over it was so sweet.

I almost wish I liked Nick more than a friend. I'm almost sure he has a crush on me, but Selena is totally in love with him so I wouldn't even attempt to pursue a relationship with Nick. I looked at the top of my phone "12:37am" I sighed laying my face into my blankets.

"I wish I was tired" I mumbled to myself.

I felt my arms grow goosebumps. "ehhhh" I wined to myself. I didn't feel like moving. Suddenly I feel the the weight on my bed shift. I'm laying on my stomach with my feet at my pillows. my eyes go a mile a wide as I look over to my glass door that is slightly open. I completely forget about the weight that just entered my bed.

"I guess I left the door open" I mumble to myself. I get up and go to close the door.

"Ahem ehm" I hear in a low voice behind me. I'm so afraid right now. what if it's my ex boyfriend Trace. I don't think he would ever sneak into my house but he's done other questionable things I wouldn't be surprised if it was him. I'm so scared, I'm crying. I have to turn around at some point.

"Trace..?" I say quietly as I turn around. The look on his face is disgusted.. but the look on my face must be even worse. It's not Trace. It's Joe, My ex.

"Joe.." I breathe   "get out. now"He totally pushes what I just said to the side and instantly starts yelling.

"You thought trace was coming? Oh so are you guys are backtogether now!?" he shoots out

"Why do you care? Besides that none of your business " I snap at him.

"DEMETRIA!" He roars. I hate my full name and he knows that.

"Don't even pull this shit with me okay. You deserve better when are you going to realize that!?" He yells at me.

I get up and walk across my room. Shut my door & turn the TV on. If my parents do wake up they'll think the talking and yeling is from the TV.

"Stop yelling okay.. my parents are sleeping.. why are you here Joe.. actually forget it. I don't even wanna know just leave now.  please" I say politely climbing into my bed next to him.

He just stares at me. I look over at him. "Joe please go now"

"No" is all I hear back.

"Joe, I'm serious you have to leave" I say.

He didn't even say anything back.

"Uughhhh" I groaned. as I was groaning I felt the weight on the bed shift and a pair of lips on my lips. I rolled my eyes as he tried massaging my lips with his.

"Joe-just-stop" I said between kisses.

"Why? you didn't try and stop me earlier in the kitchen" he murmured against my lips. Before I could respond the air in between our lips disappeared as he kissed me again. His lips were so addicting. I was trying so hard not to kiss back and just sit there but he already had my shirt half way up rubbing my sides and his hands were so warm and soft. I really wanted him... but I couldn't. I pulled his face away from me but he just went down to my neck and started kissing and sucking on it.

"wait.. that was you?" I questioned

"mhm." he said still attacking me neck.

"I can't believe yo-uuuuhhhh" I felt him smile against my neck as I moaned.

He hit my sweet spot. "Jooooeeeee" I wined he instantly stopped and cupped my face.

"What baby, what's wrong?" he asked with a concerned look in his eye. I couldn't even stare at him anymore or I'd just lose myself.

It hurt so much wanting him but knowing I couldn't. I could feel the tears rising behind my eyes.

"Ugh please Joe just go" I said scooting away from him and fixing my shirt.

"I'm not leaving" he insists. Those words shoot through me like daggers. the last time I ever actually accepted those words was when he said them to me last year over his house. I was feeling insecure about our relationship and he told me we'd be together forever. he told me the exact words "I'm not leaving". But he did leave. he left for three whole months without even telling me. he left me all alone here to wonder what's wrong with me.

"Why do you say that, hm?" I test smartly "... It's not like you mean it... its not like you meant it."

"Demi look I'm sorry for leaving you last year. For leaving you alone. I didn't ever want to make you feel like I didn't care about you, or that you weren't good enough-" "well you did!" I yelled out finally letting the tears come full on.

"You made me feel like I wasn't good enough for anyone! I loved you Joe "Loved?" He interrupted but I just went on. "& you just left! you just left... you know Joe that afternoon before I left for the beach we spent the whole day together before I left because I was going to miss you so much I wanted to spend all the time with you I could.. I never thought when I got back you'd be gone.. gone for 3 months" I looked down at my stomach trying to hold back the full flow of tears running down my cheeks.

"Demi.. I'm sorry" he said quietly, I took a few deep slow breathes to try and calm myself down.

I was practically sobbing. I finally was breathing steadily. I could tell Joe was patiently waiting for me to calm down so we could talk. I could feel his eyes on me. Thats the one thing I always loved about Joe. He was so patient with me. I looked over towards Joe & the look on his face broke me. I broke down all over again. I saw a tear slip down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away & pulled me into his chest. He always hated it when I would cry.

"It's okay baby" he whispered to me I wanted to correct him on what he had just called me but I was crying to hard to speak.

"I'm so so sorry Demi.. I'm so sorry" he repeated over and over. I just nodded and leaned into him