When Both Our Cars Collide (Frerard)

Make-Out

I open the draw. I feel claustrophobic and scared. My heart pounds in my chest and I grab the sharpest knife I can. My hands shake as I drag it across my wrist, blood instantly rising up from the cuts. It hurts in a good way... My blood begins dropping to the floor, I do nothing but stand there and smile. I stare at my blood on the floor, I feel better now. I sit down on the cold tiled kitchen and lean against a cupboard. I begin to fade out of consciousness. I hear keys, then footsteps and a scream.

***

When I wake up, I expect it to be Mikey but it isn't. It's Frank. "What are you doing here? How did you get in? Where's Mikey?" I begin to panic. "I came to check up on you, you left a key under the door mat. I dunno where Mikey is..." He says very calmly, which sort of helps me calm down. "I'm so sorry." He sits next to me; I'm on the sofa...did he carry me? His eyes are watering, he's actually worried...

I sit up and hug him. I feel warm all over and I don't want to let go of him. "I-It's ok..." I tremble a little and grab his face, pulling it to mine and kissing him roughly. "I-I love you..." I'm so nervous I can barely get the words out. He just half smiles and nods whilst looking away into the distance. He is so sexy, but I can tell something's on his mind. "What's up?" I look at him.

He grabs me - one arm around my back, the other on my shoulder - and pulls me in for the strongest hug ever. I love him really. "Why did you do it?!" He's crying. "Why? Why would you hurt yourself? It's not worth it! Nothing is worth hurting yourself over!" He just keeps crying, I don't try and stop him either. Sometimes you just have to let it all out. I wrap my arms around him and sigh. "I'm sorry."

It takes him a while to stop crying, and when he does, we just sit there facing each other. Our legs tangled and our foreheads gently resting on one another. The silence is fine, we don't need to talk, just being with each other is enough. I move my legs up and wrap them around his teeny waist. I can feel his breath on the side of my face, we're so close to each other. The door swings open and there's Mikey; my gorgeous, tall, lanky bro. His presence makes both me and Frank uneasy, so we sit away from each other, my hand placed on the space of sofa between us and his hand resting on mine. I look at Mikey. "How are you?" I try acting cool even though I'm freaking out inside.

"Eh, I'm 'kay," he responds. Something's up. "So you're 'kay but not okay?" He shrugs and goes into the kitchen. I flinch, expecting him to see blood and scream or something but he doesn't. He just leans in the doorway and asks "Spaghetti?" I nod. "Make some for Frank too!" I smile and squeeze Frank's hand which I'm now holding firmly in mine. I don't ever want to let go. "I love you..." he whispers to me softly.

I look straight ahead, smiling like an idiot. My fringe partially covers my face, until Frank leans towards me. He gently holds my chin and turns my head to face him. We stare into each others eyes for a while. He then plants little kisses from my jawline up to my cheeks which begin to blush. "You're so cute!" he says. I smile and wrap my arms around his shoulders and he wraps his around my waist. We make out for a while.

Mikey walks in with bowls of spaghetti in his hand and suddenly the bowls drop and shards of China fly across the room. "Why are you two making out?" he says. "I-it doesn't mean anything! It's not like we're fucking each other on the couch or anything!" I snap back at him and instantly regret it. "It means nothing..?" Frank repeats. "If it means nothing, make out with me. Or does it actually mean a lot?" Mikey says angrily. I'm scared of him.

"No, that's wrong..." I say, standing my ground. "But it means nothing, does it? What are you scared of? It means nothing!" Mikey says. Frank suddenly stands up, I shake my head. "I won't do it. I love you, Franklin..." I say, holding his hand gently. His fist clenches. "Just do it, it's nothing..." he says.

"Ewww, no." Mikey sighs. "What's wrong with me?" He pulls his puppy dog eyes. No, this is how it happened the first time. The puppy dog eyes could get me do anything. "Frank, can you sit in my car and wait for me?" He leaves, and I'm alone with Mikey. We make-out and then he takes off my jacket and sees my scars. "Why?" I tense up. "They're n-new..?" What do I do now? He senses I'm uncomfortable and hands me my jacket. "I'm sorry..." He goes to his room. I hesitate for a while and then go to the car with Frank.

What just happened? I made out with my brother! I said it didn't mean anything, I don't want it to mean anything, but it means a lot. I'm too scared to look at Frank; I'm ashamed of myself. I sit in front of the steering wheel. I'm so pissed off at myself. I start smashing my fists on the steering wheel and sobbing. Frank leans over me and roughly pulls my head to rest on his shoulder. He keeps kissing the back of my head which is actually calming. My eyes close and I drift off.

***

He's clearly strong or something, this is the second time he's carried me today. I awaken in my bed which is the top floor of the house. I hoped he'd be here - waiting at the end of the bed, or cuddling me - but instead I find I am alone. There's no one to look after me. I feel sick, someone needs to look after me. "Frank..." My weak voice begs for him to be here. I miss him.