Along The Road, I Found You

To Tell Or Not To Tell, That's The Question

I didn't realize how sucked into my thoughts I had become until I felt Lukas shaking me. "Heaven? Heaven?!", he asked. The worry was very obvious in his voice. Blinking rapidly, I shook my head. The cold, blue tile of the kitchen floor meeting my gaze. 

"What? Why am I on the floor? Did something happen? Why is Lukas freaking? I really wish he would stop shaking me. Stop shaking me, LuLu..."

"Wha-Huh? What?!", I asked confusedly. His bright hazel eyes were full of panic and I noticed that his usually short, dark brown hair was getting shaggy. It hung just barely in his eyes, giving him a more mysterious look. "Lukas? What's wrong?", I asked, my words were running together and sounded very jumbled. I sat up too fast and winced, resting my head in my hands.

I stood up and brushed myself off. Lukas stood up slowly, his arms slightly extended and palms up as if he was expecting me to fall. "Why was I on the floor? What happened?", the questions just flew out of my mouth. I had a bad habit of being the question ask-er. It was one of my infamous traits. Lukas just shook his head and gently nudged me into my seat, placing a plate of still sizzling bacon, scrambled eggs, and a piece of charred toast in front of me. He opened the fridge and ducked in, grabbing a small box of strawberries, placing them in front of me.

"Eat.", he said. His voice was so serious and dark. Had I done something wrong?

Picking up my fork, I quietly ate some eggs. I watched Lukas make his own plate and sit adjacent to me before I spoke up. "LuLu? What happened?", I asked. I honestly had no idea. I just remember watching him cook breakfast and then I remember waking up to him shaking me. One moment I was in the chair and the next, on the floor.

A small smirk spread across his face at the mention of my nickname for him, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.He shook his head and continued to eat his breakfast, completely ignoring my question. I just decided it was better not to push the subject and finished my breakfast.

Whipping out a small notebook I carried in my back pocket, I made a note of the calories I had ate within that meal and marked off a tiny, mishapen, hand-drawn strawberry. I liked to keep track of my fruits and vegetables and my calories. I remember one of the last things I had heard from my mum before she took off on her trip.

"If I have anything I want to leave with my children, it's to never let yourself get like I did. I didn't watch myself or take care of myself and now I'm paying for it. Promise me that you'll take care of yourself, Heaven. Please don't be like me."

I know that my calorie-counting drove Lukas nuts, but it wasn't like I was eating only 800-calories a day and puking it up later! I was on a non-strict 1,500-calorie diet until I got rid of the unnecessary weight that was on me. It''s for my health. It's okay to do this because I'm not starving myself, I'm making myself better.

In the background, I heard my new favorite song starting. "Price Tag" by Jessie J, was playing. My brother spoke during the first few seconds of the song. "This is for my baby sister, Heaven, the singer. I know you'll make it one day, sis. I love you, don't you evah forget that guuuurl!"

God, I was so lucky. I had the world's best brother. The kind that threatened the guys that took me on dates, the kind that chased down the ones that broke my heart with baseball bats, and protected me at all costs. Whenever I had a nightmare, he was there with a glass of strawberry milk and stayed until I fell asleep.

I was also lucky because I had Lukas. He was the most best guy friend that a girl could ask for. We'd been close ever since the day that we met in preschool. I was three and he was four. He punched a kid in the face for calling me ugly and stealing the doll that I was playing with. I knew from that instance that he was going to be my best friend for the rest of my life.

But now...I was falling. I wasn't quite sure I could do this. I had always had strict rule of not falling for friends. I could be friends with a boy after we broke up, unless they were the ones that my brother went after. Falling for friends had always ended badly. It almost always DOES end badly for ANYONE that attempts a relationship with a best friend or just a close friend.

I didn't want to be falling for Lukas, but what could I do? That smile, those eyes, that laughter. It all just made it seem more and more clear that I was falling for him. Falling hard and there was nothing to do but pray that the asphalt below wouldn't hurt because I knew he couldn't catch me. How could he if I've never had the guts to tell him how I truly feel?