Lovebeam

Chapter 3

I didn't watch the Breakfast Club. I can't. If I do, I'll get attached to him.

I'm standing in the office, leaning against the wall.

Nothing fun ever happens here. The atmosphere is so dull.

Part of me wants to do what Brody said, and open the blinds and actually talk to people, but I can't.

I don't want to get attached to him.

I'm having such a mental war, and I have absolutely nobody to talk to about it.

I've literally been standing here for an hour.

Everyone is working away in silence.

"You guys can talk." I sigh. "I'm sorry I'm always such a prick." And then I walk into the break room.

"Holy shit, she was actually nice!" Someone says.

I sit down on the couch and put my feet on the table.

I sit there for five minutes, and then I walk out of the break room.

I have nobody, and this is making me realize it.

Sure, I have my family and Zoe, but if I went to them with a guy problem, they'd tell me to marry him.

They're no help.

Brody comes walking into my office.

I raise my eyebrows at him.

"Well? Did you watch it?"

"No." I say.

He frowns.

"Why not?"

"I didn't want to."

He frowns. "It's a good movie. You said you'd watch it."

"Well...I lied."

He nods slowly. He looks upset. I'm being so cold.

"Okay." He says. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, fine." I wave him off.

He nods and walks out of my office.

<><>

At the end of the day, I'm the last one out of the office.

I'm digging through my purse for my keys, walking through the parking lot.

I hear the sound of tires screeching, a scream, and then suddenly, I'm in the ground and someone is on top of me.

Brody rolls off of me.

The pickup truck screeches to a stop, and the driver gets out.

"Dammit! Watch what you're doing!" the guy yells at me.

I open my mouth to apologize, but Brody speaks instead.

"You were the one speeding in a fucking parking lot! It's five! Everyone knows business hours are nine to five!"

"Brody." I snap. "I can take care of myself!"

He looks at me.

"I just saved your life and that's what you're going to say to me?" he asks. "I asked you to watch a movie and you couldn't even do that! You know, I think I was actually starting to have feelings or something for you after yesterday, but now, I'm not so sure! Maybe you are a bitch all the time!"

He walks away.

<><>

My eyes drift to the clock.

5:54am.

His words ring in my head over and over.

Maybe you are a bitch all the time!

I lay here and think.

My Mom called earlier and I told her not to call me.

I yelled at the neighbor because his dog was barking.

Maybe I am.

I am.

I'm a bitch all the time.

I get up and put on yoga pants and a sports bra, and I go out of my apartment and go for a jog.

I jog all over the city before I go home.

I call into work and say I'm not coming in, and then I do what I've needed to do for a long time and schedule a therapist.

I shower and get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. I put on sandals and brush through my hair, and go to my appointment. I sign in and wait.

I do one thing.

I text my Mom.

Me: I'm sorry I'm so mean to you all the time.

Around five minutes later, I get a text.

Mom: what's been wrong with you lately? Are you okay?

Me: I don't know.

Mom: do you want to talk about it?

Me: I don't know what I want, Mom. I don't know what I'm doing. I have no clue what's happening anymore.

"Danielle?" I stand up.

Me: I gtg I'll text you later

I shove my phone in my pocket and follow the women to the room. She lets me in.

The guy is in there. He's young.

I go sit down.

"How are you today?" he asks.

I sigh. "Not so good." I admit.

"How about you tell me what's going on?"

I sigh.

"I hate Florida. I hate it so much. This place is a punishment, but I can't go home."

"Why?" he asks.

"My family is there. My older sister and older brother are both happily married with children, and I'm twenty two and I've never kissed anyone. Every time I go to my family, they always ask me when I'm getting a boyfriend, and it's a lot of pressure. I'm never happy. It makes me feel like I'm forever alone."

He nods, writing away.

"Does your family know this?"

"No." I sigh. "My best friend does the same thing."

He nods slowly.

"I feel like you're leaving out what's really made you come here." He says.

I take a deep breath. "There's this guy..."

I explain everything about how I am all the time.

"He saved your life." He says. "Maybe, I mean, you said he had the same problem, correct?"

"Yes."

"Well...it's sounding to me like you have feelings for him, and he has feelings for you."

"I don't have feelings for him."

"Maybe you should watch that movie." He says. "I think you should watch the movie, open the blinds, and actually talk to people tomorrow. Relax, do your work, and talk to him. Who cares if you work together? Are you really going to risk not getting with the man of your dreams because of a job that you hate anyways?"

I'm quiet for a really long time.

"I think you should go home and change something. Rearrange everything, open the blinds, and watch the movie. And when you find yourself getting frustrated, count to ten."

I nod slowly.

"And try to let some positive people into your life, but more importantly, try and spend some time with Brody."