Lovebeam

Chapter 8

It's 12:48am.

I can't sleep. I'm laying in the dark.

My phone vibrates on my side table.

I grab it.

Brody: are you awake?

Me: yeah

Brody: what are you doing

Me: laying in bed.

Brody: I'm bored.

Me: me too.

Should I tell him?

He's never seen me cry.

Me: I'm crying.

My phone starts to ring.

I let his call go to voicemail, and I text him.

Me: its embarrassing. I don't want you to hear or see me like this.

Brody: what the matter?

Me: I was just such a horrible kid. I realized that today. Madison loved gymnastics so much and I got her kicked out. I was such a bitch. Madison was my best friend. Now I have nobody.

Brody: you have me.

Me: well, aside from you.

Brody: what about zoe?

Me: she's awesome and I love her, but she's one of those people where you can only have one friend. You don't even know.

Me: Madison was literally my best friend. She was the one person I was friends with that went to my school. We'd been friends since birth at church, and then school. I miss her so much. I fucked up so badly. When Mrs. Marshall found out I lied, she didn't kick me out. She should've, and she didn't. I lost my best friend, and now I have to live with the guilt of losing her.

Brody: she didn't kick you out because you weren't the one who snuck out.

Brody: and you didn't purposely get her kicked out.

Me: who cares if I snuck out or not. I lost my bestfriend. We had so many plans.

Brody: we can try to find her

Me: no, oh god, you're making it worse! I don't want to find her! She probably hates me!

Brody: I'm sorry.

Brody: I think you seeing her could seriously help.

Me: I don't want to

Brody: that's okay. You don't have to

I stare at my keyboard.

I don't even know what to say.

I'm laying in my old room, in my old bed.

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I forced myself to have fuyn on Christmas. I let everyone go out and have fun after Christmas.

I don't even want to get out of bed.

I do what Madison used to make me do when I would get upset aout something.

I go and sit on the roof. My room has a window on the roof and my ceiling is slanted.

I stare at the snow-covered backyard.

My phone vibrates.

Brody: what are you doing today?

Me: sitting in my room