The Ghost Of You (boyxboy)

[4] Miss Missing You [Mikey's POV]

I left Frank's early in the morning, before him or Gerard were up. It was relatively easy to slip out unnoticed, seeing as I slept on the couch, declining the offer of the guest bedroom. I thought maybe Gerard would sleep there, but Frank had insisted that the room was free, leaving me to wonder where the hell Gerard slept that night. I shuddered, not entirely sure if I wanted to know the answer.

I pulled on my shoes and skidded across the polished wood floor of the Iero family's home, heading towards the door. I glanced over my shoulder, only to be greeted by Mrs Iero padding down the hall, clad in slippers and a fluffy dressing gown, towards me. I stood still, not knowing what to do. The woman only really knew me as Gerard's younger brother, and would probably be more than a little concerned that both me and Gerard had slept in her house last night.

"Mikey?" She asked, coming to a halt. She looked me up and down, a puzzled look on her face.

"Hello, Mrs Iero," I mumbled, feeling myself turn bright red under her gaze. It was quite an uncomfortable moment, to say the least. I had always been one to get myself into the most awkward of situations, ending up having to stutter my way out. Of course, Pete always covered for me when things like that happened. He just had a natural ability to think of excuses on the spot, no matter how much pressure he was under.

"Did you stay here last night too, honey?" She smiled a little, warmer than before. Maybe seeing how nervous I was made her sympathise with me. Adults always seemed to feel sorry for me, no matter what I did. From the time I failed every math test in one term to the time I accidentally broke Mr Bryar's window, they never seemed to get angry at me. I wasn't completely sure if this was a blessing or a curse, but I made the most of it while I could, as would anyone who fucked up as often as I did. After all, Pete was in the car with me when he died. Me. I should have been able to help him, to jump in the way and save him. I should have died in his place. Maybe it would have been him standing frozen in Frank Iero's hallway. Maybe it would have been him who just slept on the couch instead of the bed, in a desperate attempt to forget that there was someone missing and that any bed he slept in would forever be half empty.

"Um, yeah, sorry," I mumbled, trying to avoid looking her in the eye, instead focusing on the floorboards.

Mrs Iero nodded and smiled again. "Are you leaving so early? Would you like anything to eat?"

I shook my head firmly, hoping she'd drop it. I always had a problem with being assertive and was way too easily pushed into things. Maybe that was why adults pitied me - because I was weak. "I think I'm going to head off now."

"Okay then. Tell your mom I say hello," she replied, turned and walked back down the hall. I breathed a sigh of relief before exiting the house, hoping no one else would decide to distract me from my escape from Gerard.

I was still fairly pissed at him after the night before. He acted like I was crazy for having hope that Pete wasn't completely gone. He looked at me with the pity in his eyes, the pity that I expected from everyone else but never from him. He was my older brother, he was supposed to be there through thick and thin. If I thought something was real, if I had seen something that was real, he was meant to believe me, no matter how far-fetched a story it may be.

I knew Pete was real. No matter how insane I was or wasn't, my mind could never create something that felt so real, looked so real or sounded so real. It was him, I just needed to prove it.

I stood on the Ieros' front door step, not sure what exactly to do with myself. I realised that mom must have been worried sick when me and Gerard didn't go home last night, even if Gerard had called her. She was an anxious person, worrying about every little thing that happened. If something bad happened, she worried that it would get worse. If something good happened, she worried that it wouldn't stay that way. She expected the worst out of every situation that came her way. At times I found it ridiculous, but I began to realise how it might be beneficial. You'd always be prepared for the worst, so it was no great surprise when things turned out like shit, because things will always go wrong in the end, but no matter how much you expect it, it will hit you like a ton of bricks, knocking the breath out of you.
I had only just discovered this, and I wasn't prepared in any way for the way I felt. I had no idea how to cope with everything building up inside me, and there was no way of telling where and when the feelings would surface, obliterating everything in their path, probably me included.