Body-Swap | kellic

Don't Wanna Feel A Thing Anymore

((second to last chapter vibes)) dont forget to vote and comment your little hearts out ... i love you all : )

{Vic}

This was the day we would finally get our bodies back. Once again, I could be Vic and he could be Kellin. But there were flip sides to my emotions.

On one side, I was over the top excited, running on a natural high. On the other side, the pit of anxiety that had been resting in my stomach the past couple of hours leading up to this final thrilling moment was swallowing me whole. I was a bundle of nerves.

The understood ultimatum of finishing my collab with Sleeping With Sirens would be met, and we would be free from whatever curse was put on us. When you put it down in words it didn't seem like a lot to accomplish, but because this whole ordeal evolved into so many different mini challenges, it felt like a full on quest.

After a long night of making out, writing lyrics, and making love while writing lyrics Kellin and I came to a definite conclusion. Our combined effort over the past couple weeks was condensed into one eventful night. I wouldn't have wanted it to turn out any other way.

On the way to the studio the next morning, I begged Kellin to drop off Copeland with Mike, Jaime, and Tony to keep her out of the studio. It's not healthy for a kid to be cooped up in a small dim room with a bunch of sweaty and cursing twenty-somethings all day. He begged to differ; apparently that kind of exposure "builds character." I thought it built a child neglect lawsuit and a call to DFCS.

(a/n DFCS [de-fax] is the Department For Child Services in the US)

"But what if Tony misses the feel of this right hand and decides to jack off in front of her?"

"That was one time," I stressed to him, defending the man that was practically my brother. "Copeland won't be near Tone anyway, Jaime and Mike said they'd take her shopping."

He scoffed, "Shopping where? Zunzi's? A tattoo parlor?"

"Hey!" I warned, "Mike and Jaime are way better babysitters than anyone in your band. Imagine Justin or Gabe babysitting Cope."

We both shivered at the dangerous thought.

Needless to say, I won the argument.

The Sleeping With Sirens guys gave us a dumbstruck look.

"You're changing the name of the album?" Jack said incredulously.

Gabe threw down the drumsticks he was diddling with in mock anger, "I'M SO DONE."

"I could fill a book full of all the things the both of you have changed about the album," Nick huffed.

Justin was the most calm. He just shrugged, "Whatever." and went back to playing his bass.

"Wait, wait, wait. You guys aren't getting it," Kellin shook his head wildly, "The concept is spot on. Foolproof."

I nodded along, "It's called Madness because of the song we wrote and all of the stuff –the madness–we've been through trying to get this record done."

"Also it's called Madness not just because of all the things we've been through trying to make this album, it's because of...life," Kellin piped up, "we've all been through some wild shit. Every single one of us, and every song on this record I think magnifies different aspects and parts of life that anyone can relate to."

There was silence.

"So you're saying that Madness represents reflecting back on life? Madness is the human existence?" Gabe spoke through the silence.

Kellin and I looked at each other and spoke at the same time, "Yes."

A smile crept its way onto everyone's face; even the producer, who had been trying his hardest to stay out of our drama the past couple of weeks, succumbed to the concept.

"Well what are y'all waiting for?" Justin beamed, "Go track some madness!"

Kellin followed my lead into the recording booth–for the last time. We slipped on our headphones–for the last time. We put the scrawled and scratched out lyrics on the stand in front of us–for the last time. The opening bars played–for the last time. My mouth, Kellin's I mean, opened to sing–for the last time.

The lyrics that had been a struggle to create were finally going to be heard by everyone–for the first time.

As Kellin's last note rang out there was a second of dead silence as we waited for the producers' thumbs up. The studio burst into cheers: Sleeping With Sirens had finally finished their album and created a kick ass collab too. It had been a long road, but I was sure that it was worth every single second. Kellin and I hung up our headphones and skipped out of the booth. My excitement was friend to no boundaries, I was so proud of us, and as I turned to share my pent up happy feelings with Kellin, I saw that his expression did not match mine–or anyone else's in the room for that matter.

The wildly happy scene around us was nothing compared to the crushed look on his face.

I scrunched my eyebrows wondering why, in the midst of all this cheer, Kellin looked so upset. "What's wrong Kells?"

He snatched himself out of the hold I had on his arm. "What's wrong Kells?" he mimicked and rolled his eyes. "Since you seem to have totally forgotten all about it, that's the problem, I'm not Kellin."

My stomach dropped as soon as he uttered those words. It felt like the veil of enthusiasm I was wearing had been snatched right off of my face.

At times like these, I was the one who's there to provide consoling and insight, but in this moment, I was the one at loss for words. The magic tingling I had felt walking out of the studio wasn't there anymore. I felt cold and dead. All of our tireless efforts came down to this?

I felt as if his sentence would haunt me for the rest of my days.

I had inhabited his body for weeks now and I no longer felt awkward working his appendages or hearing the sound of his voice when I talked, and even processing things through his brain. I felt nauseated knowing that his body was almost as home like to me as my own. I felt nauseated knowing that I forgot about the most outrageous thing that had ever happened to me. I felt like I had betrayed myself.

My sharp blue eyes met Kellin's soft brown ones.

"What do we do now?" he whimpered.

As much as we loved each other, I didn't think either of us were too keen on being each other for the rest of our lives.