He's MY kingpin

That's how you feel

I woke up this morning and Kajai wasn't here. No note, or text, voice mail I even called him his phone was off. Of course I waited a while 4 hours to be exact and called the guys. They said he wasn't at the trap and they haven't heard from him. I even drove around to his favorite places and he want at any of them. I called him again and still went to voice mail. I don't know where he could be all day I been worried. I know most people would be like I need to stop being a clingy girlfriend. Well I know Kajai this is not like him to just up and leave and not call or talk to anyone. But then I haven't talked to any of the girls. I picked up my phone and dialed Yanis number.

"What"

"Ooh what crawled up yo ass and died"

"You... how you just accuse my brother of something and say something to him like that he do everything for you when yo ass up and left I had to pick up the pieces you left him heartbroken and now you accuse him and being distant for no reason he do everything he could to make sure yo ass is happy and you do nothing for him absolutely nothing and everybody feel this way"

"I didn't know that's how yall felt I'll started doing more for him then and I won't ask for anything else"

"Yea you do that because my brother is a good man he don't need nobody bringing him down like that"

"Ok Yani I get it"

"No don't ok Yani me started doing things for him and get a job stop spending his money"

After that being said she hung up the phone I didn't bother calling anybody else. I don't need them they think that I just use him for his money. I don't need to be yelled at I tell him anybody the time I don't need his money. We even argue about me getting anybody job. Everybody feels this way even my brother feels this way. I don't get it they know how Kajai is about me spending my own money and getting a job. This just shows who real friends and family are. They don't know how I felt when I shot that man they don't know how hurt I was to leave they don't know how hard it was to see yourself kill someone for the first time over and over and over again. Having that person haunt you dreams at night waking up wanting to be held. They don't know what struggle u went through all my life. Having my dad in the game and worrying about if he will come home or not. Having your parent killed at a young age or having to worry about how your going to keep food on the table and keep the lights and water on. They will never ever know the struggle the only person who should understand is Junior.

It hurts to know your brother thinks your using someone. I just feel hurt you know but I'll start doing what people want me to so badly.

I went downstairs and started cooking food enough because I didn't know if Kajai was going to be home tonight. But luckily he came home right when I was finished. I fixed his plate and we ate at the table together in silence.

"KJ do you really want me to give you my virginity"

"No" he said in a cold tone and like didn't even care. I just nodded my head even though he wasn't looking at me.

"Ok... are you don't eating"

"Yup" I grabbed his plate and took the dishes and he came up behind me and wrapped and his arms around my waist.

"I don't wanna take your virginity because I'm waiting for the right time" he said kissing my neck I giggled a little. He grabbed my hand amd took me upstairs.

"I'm going time go take at quick shower ok"

"Ok" when he went in the he bathroom and grabbed my New phone that I paid for. I look up a college and a job College because I didn't finish school and a job so I would have to worry both people thinking I'm just using his money. I found a good community college a good 2 hours away and a job. Good I just need a to aplications and I'm good. I then heard the bathroom door open and Kajai came put ready to go to sleep.

He got in bed with me and wrapped his arms around me while I drifted to sleep.