Intersecting Lines

Chapter 9

"If someone lied to you, would you get mad?" He asked me over the phone. It's already around 1 a.m. but Alex and I don't seem to get tired of talking for hours.

"It depends on what kind of lie it is. There are a lot of reasons to lie-"I tell him to reassure his curiosity and he cuts me off before I get to finish my sentence.

The truth is; I hate people who lie. It doesn't matter what the reason is, or what kind of lie it was. A lie is a lie, small or big. It doesn't change the fact that someone is being tricked. As a human being, it is inevitable for us to do it. But we could avoid committing it, because seriously, we live and we die and nothing in life is assured for us. I could not wake up tomorrow morning and there are lots of things I wasn't able to tell truthfully because there were times that I lied. And the more that we lie to each other, the more true words accumulate and at the end of the day, we won't be able to tell them. Not now, not ever. And isn't it such a waste to keep true thoughts inside you?

"But would you get mad?" he asked again sounding like a child. I can't help but smile when I heard his voice. I wonder why Alex keeps asking me about it but I answer him a yes or no to satisfy his question.

"Of course I'll get mad. But disappointed is the more appropriate word for it." I tell him, finally. He fell silent and I wait for him to speak and change the topic. But he remained silent that I had to ask him if he was okay, "Do you have to tell me something?" I cautiously asked him. I feel like he's hiding something. Has he lied to me? And if he did, why would he do that? I feel alarmed now that I'm having thoughts of Alex lying to me. How much of the things he said were lies? But what alarms me more is that it's starting to stir up my thoughts, which means it's starting to matter. I'm fully aware it shouldn't.

"I don't have anything to say. I was just curious." He lets out a nervous chuckle and I'd like to trust his words but I can't. I don't know why, but something seems off with him. Ultimately, something seems off with me too. It was like I was expecting a longer reply from Alex but it never came. Maybe I became too used to how our conversations went before.

"Hey, I need to go and sleep." He told me afterwards and I answered him hastily, but it's not the response I've been expecting to say.

"Don't drop the call." I tell him sounding a little desperate, and my eyes go wide. I must've been shocked with my statement as well, I'm pretty sure Alex had the same reaction if I can see him now. Never have I thought I'll sound like that in my whole existence.

"Are you okay? Is everything alright?" I could sense the sound of worry in his voice. Why did I tell him that? I could've just said goodnight and slept.

"Yeah," I shortly responded. But who am I kidding? I don't feel okay. I feel regretful knowing we'll be dropping the call.

"No, you're not." He told me and I let out a sigh, "You can tell me all about it. What's wrong?" Dropping this call is wrong, feeling anxious about not talking to you again is wrong, wanting to see you is wrong, being attached to you is wrong. What I'm feeling towards you is wrong; could I tell you all these wrong things?

"I don't know," I tell him instead. This feeling is going to subside, hopefully. It's a trick that my brain makes. This is just a plain separation anxiety, right? I can't be falling for this guy, "I just feel empty" I added and I closed my eyes, what is happening to me?

"You can't fall asleep?" He asked me and I could feel his sincerity travelling through the spaces that borders me and him.

"As weird as it sounds, I can't" I answered him and I heard him sigh on the other line, "You should go and sleep." I finish my sentence.