Forgotten (AU) (completed but unedited)

[40] Tumors

I've been in the hospital for a week. Kiara visits every day, she told me that Julie went to a different hospital. My family doesn't visit as often. I like it like that though, I hate them seeing me like this. So weak, and hopeless.

Shawn visits every day, or he tries to. He's working on a new album so it's kind of hard sometimes.

Kiara understands that some days are better than others, she doesn't make me talk but she makes me laugh and smile. She tells me stupid jokes and stupid things she has done.

My fans are constantly commenting on my photos reminding me that I don't need hair.

I'm almost finished with the book Shawn gave me. I stare out the window more than I read, or do anything else.

Someone walks in but I ignore their presence. I continue staring out the window. "Hey." A soft voice speaks. It's Demi.

She sits in the other bean bag. "Sorry, we haven't been visiting." She whispers. "I like when you guys don't visit." I confess and she frowns.

"I don't want you seeing me so weak." I add. "The doctor said that chemo is helping now." She says.

"Why don't I feel better then?" I ask and she stays silent. "It's okay, I didn't expect you to answer." I say and slump down more in the bean bag.

"Have you lost hope?" Demi asks and I shrug. "Kind of."

She looks out the window and doesn't say anything. "Why?" She asks quietly.

"It's been almost two months and my tumor is growing. Demi, how long did I have cancer last time?" I ask looking away from the window and at Demi. "Three." She replies with certainty ringing in her tone.

"It might of been three months, but chemo helped last time." I say. She sighs and looks down. "Do you want to stop-" She trails off.

I look back out the window and ignore her. I don't really know if I want to or not. I know a part of me wants to but I know I can't.

For once, my life is worth living. People have told me that they're alive because of me. I can't just disappear.

"No." I whisper. "But I do want to be left alone." I keep staring out the window at the snow.

Demi stands up and walks out of the room. Minutes later, someone else walks in. I don't say anything, or do anything. I sit still.

"Paitynn." Chloe whispers. I ignore her and keep staring out the window. "What's up? How are you feeling?" She asks sitting in the bean bag across from me.

I shrug and keep staring out the window. "Do you not want to talk? It's okay if you don't." She whispers and I shake my head.

"I don't know what I want to do." She frowns when I say that, and doesn't say anything.

Someone else walks in and I sigh to myself, quietly. "Hey, I thought you two broke up." Kiara says and I turn to her.

"We did." I shrug and Kiara looks at me in confusion. "I'm gonna go." Chloe whispers and walks out.

"Wait, so why was she in here?" Kiara takes her seat in the bean bag. "When Demi adopted me, she adopted Chloe too." I explain and she nods.

"How are you feeling today?" Kiara asks and I shrug. "I don't know."

Everyday she asks me the same question. 'How are you feeling?' and everyday I reply with 'I don't know.'

Sometimes, she'll sigh. Other times she just doesn't say anything and starts talking. I like the days where she starts talking.