I loved you-
With so much of the beating muscle under my breast bone chest plate
That I could not love myself.
I shook with malnutrition and blood loss, yet I smiled with adoration.
You kissed my glossed lips,
Flavored like candy.
And I was forever grateful that you were unable to taste the vomit that lay beneath. Behind teeth, that I brushed in school bathrooms.
You left me,
My secret issues were slowing showing themselves to you.
I hated myself even more.
I was not good enough,
Despite being the most devout devotee to the religion of you.
I cried and prayed, all in the name of you.
I cut deeper
Burned longer
Cried harder, salt water and blood.
While everything wrong with me
Ate away at me
I ate everything else
And then puked it back up,
With thoughts of you urging it on.
I seeked your approval
For you to validate me
But all you ever did
Was take me and break me.
And you have returned yet again,
With letters of brevity
That always leave me guessing
With hints of sour staining my breath.
I know that I should sever
All of the contact.
You are a limb infected with gangrene.
But I like the haunting weight of you upon me.
and the stench doesn't bother me.
