I am not required to be in this god forsaken town,
Not by law
Nor by force;
Possibly not even by the rules of decency.
I could run off,
And leave
Behind my family
And my friends.
I know they would still love me.
But I do not know that I would,
The only thing keeping me back is me
I am my own barricade.
The flame setting plane, train, and bus tickets, that have been soaked in gasoline from my automobile aflame.
I sit in the bed that I have had since
I was a child
A young and confused girl,
I am older
Yet still the same.
I strum my guitar and sing out excuses.
"Where would I go?
I would be all alone.
What if they need me?
I can't afford this frivolous trips and endeavors to find myself,
I could go missing
Get murdered."
These words taste sickeningly,
Tainting my tongue and chapped lips,
I can't help but wonder
What if I regret staying,
But then I am forced to ask myself
What
If
I regret
Leaving?
