Blaze

Tao's Effort

~_____~

They both thanked the waiter when he brought their food. Chorong's mother had taught her to never thank the waiter due to the fact that it was just their job and they were meant to serve. Chorong never took part in obeying her mother.

"Eat well!" Suho's voice brought her back to life. "Travelling back and forth sure takes a lot of energy!" he smiled broadly when her eyes landed on him and she wondered how this perfect man had been built.

She just nodded and glanced down at her plate only to look up when Suho placed some of his side dishes on her platter.

"Whatever happened at work today, just never mind it," Suho still smiled. "You either take it, or leave it. That's how it is, isn't it?"

Why did he always know what to say? His words hit her on the spot and Chorong couldn't find the will to pick up the utensils. She just sat there completely numb to the spinning world. Chorong finally admitted she was having a hard time after all. No one was pressuring her, but she was feeling the pressure because she wasn't as competitive or outgoing as the others. The smart instilled in the others didn't belong in her. And that made it hard.

"I thought you were a cheery person," Suho said, "if I have to work with another person like Namjoo, I think I'll go crazy."

And that forced a tiny laugh out of Chorong. Neither spoke next and she realized that she was letting him do all the talking. It was rude of her.

"I'm sorry," she quietly apologized with head still down.

"For what?"

Chorong thought hard. She didn't have a lot to be sorry for, but she did have things she felt sorry for, such as not being strong or agile enough. She wasn't a good partner.

"I'm not purposely stressing out," Chorong told, "I don't feel like I deserve to be on the team."

"Me too."

Chorong's head shot up and she stared at Suho. His eyes were kind, they shone, and they told her he was determined and confident. All that she lacked, so how could he feel the same way she did? He was lying to her, wasn't he?

"When it was just Donghae, Namjoo, and I, I was the most useless. We didn't have a lot of chases like we do now, but they also took part of doing the work behind the scenes. But even as inferior as I felt, I was able to put down some of the burden on their shoulders, if it's not a lot, it's still some. Believe me, when you know you can alleviate the burden, it feels good and they're also thankful for you. So, Chorong, know that you do help your team. In the long run you will see the difference," Suho helped. "And trust me; your team has helped lessen the stress we would have if it's just us three. Our roles here are to eat well and use our brains well. We don't do frontline work, but our part in this is still crucial. You understand what I'm saying, right?"

Did she?

"Chorong," Suho called out.

"Thank you, Suho," Chorong said without a smile, "I know you're helping, and you're offering a sense of support. Really." She took a break then continued, "My family has spent generations in the line of criminal justice work. They've always held the most powerful positions. When you're continuously compared and talked about, it makes things difficult, especially when connections and power are all that matters. I feel insecure wherever it is I go. I'm the first in my family to hold a position lower than a general's."

"That's cowardice, Chorong. I think you being here means you have more ability than you think. You might be able to view more of your power if you stop thinking you're always inferior. I don't think anyone on our team is inferior. Wasn't it you who kept Cho Chin Ho in his car while we waited for backup? Wasn't it you who courageously saved Namjoo? And it was also you who arrested those crooks in Incheon. I think, that's quite a lot," Suho nodded. "Give yourself time and you'll see all that you can do."