Blaze

These Feelings

The worry, the uncertainty apparent on Namjoo's face a few seconds ago immediately dispersed. Her eyes widened some more and they dug even deeper into his face, as if searching for the very core of his existence.

Tao gulped afraid because he knew he'd said the wrong thing.

"I..." Tao gulped again.

He was nervous. Unable to look at her any further he took two long strides forward and pulled into his chest.

"Let me...I'll be the father. I can do it. I'll help you raise the baby," Tao rushed the words as his heart raced inside his chest. "So don't tell him. Please don't tell him."

"You should go." Her muffled voice rose up to his ears.

A flux of emotions splashed throughout him and he hugged her tighter.

"No, promise me...you have to promise me. Namjoo I...I came to you first. Don't go to him. I'll help you raise the baby. I promise I'll be good to you."

And when he dug his fingers into her arms he knew he was hugging her in order to comfort himself.

~_____~

Suho sat unbelievably still in his chair with his eyes roaming off the red walls and the portraits of a king on his throne or a dog at the beach. There was the clanking of utensils against plates and soft chatter emanating off the walls, but that sounded so very far away. The appetite he'd earlier had was nowhere to be found. Instead, a rush of anxiety swam inside his stomach and he felt sick.

Turning to his right was like asking for immediate punishment in the army. Chorong was very quietly responding to Lay's questions. She sat right next to Kris, who was seated in front of him. Lay had somehow been waiting for Suho to take the seat in front of Chorong, but Suho had luckily escaped when Kris started a conversation.

Now...now he just wanted to become the carpet on the ground. He hated uncomfortable atmospheres.

Suho didn't recall that liking someone brought with it so much discomfort. The last time he'd had a crush...belonged to his very vague memory. Was it junior high or his very early years of high school?

He couldn't remember.

For a long time now he'd had no time for love life affairs. His free time wasn't very much after entering the combat field. Lives, Suho always thought, were more important than himself. His only job was to save lives and that was it. Love hadn't been in the picture. Acquaintances and good friends made up for that and he was simply happy enough from that.

Suho was grateful for everyone, but finding someone to love hadn't been part of that grateful life.

"You're not hungry?"

Suho's head shot up so fast that he wasn't sure who'd asked the question. His eyes first landed on Chorong before averting his eyes so quick he didn't know who else to look at. Suho raised his hand to grab his utensils, but instead hit the fork jutting out the edge of the table and listened to it clatter onto the ground. in just a few mere seconds his heart was stampeding within his chest.

The soft chatter and the clanking of utensils against plates could no longer be heard.

Quickly bending his body to the side he reached for the fork and quickly placed it on the table. He was suddenly hot and felt himself sweat.

"Are you ok?" Lay questioned.

"Yea...of course...yes." Suho nodded his head furiously and even took to adding an awkward laugh.

"What are you thinking about?" Kris questioned then gestured his chin toward Suho's plate. "You haven't touched your food."

Suho's eyes landed on his now cold plate and realized it had been Kris who'd asked the question earlier.