So it's been a few months since I've done this and I apologise for my boring ass life. As I mentioned in my previous entry that I was only going to update when something interesting happened. Anyway getting onto my update, I have started a makeup business with my friends where I do people's makeup and it makes me really happy to do that coz let's be real, I'm shit at everything else so it's nice to feel good about doing something I enjoy. So that's that, I have a confession about the one and only, demon. I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with this term, but the demon is aka Jackson. Yeah that asshole.
Anyway I have a confession, you know when your trying to get over someone so your horrible to them? Well that's what I'm doing and I'm starting to take it out on my friends. I feel terrible because I have become this bitch that has become rude to everyone and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I'm getting frustrated because I'm not over him. And it feels so good to say that I'm not over him. He hurt me so much it makes me want to hate him, but I simply can't. I should want to never see his face, when in fact I get nervous and want to see him. I don't know if I told you how he fucked me over. Basically he hooked up with me, then told everyone that I lied about it and called me horrible things.
Do you know the feeling when you care about someone so much but you have to let them go, because they don't care about you and it's all one sided. That was my situation except I cared for him so much and he made it very clear he didn't care. I can't look at him without wanting to break down crying coz I honestly feel so weak when I see him that I let him do that to me. I can't contain my anger when I think about what he did, but then thinking back to that one stupid fucking night it makes me happy to be held by someone I cared about so much. Now your all thinking, you weren't even dating or you didn't even like him for that long ! But it's how I work. When someone accepts me for who I am, and tells me that they like me so much they want to be around me I get attached. Because it's not everyday you get someone like that. And now looking back at it, it was probably all bullshit, he probably never cared, never wanted to spend time with me. He probably just wanted to use me and leave me with nothing.
People don't understand how messed up the society of today is. There is no such thing as a gentlemen who takes a girl out for dinner and pays for you. They spend time with you only to fuck you and leave.
Are you all familiar with the bitch named " Sophie " yeah some of you would be like, yeh I know that bitch. Yeah well guessed who's lollipop she sucked? That's right the demon himself.
Have you ever had one of those friends who totally back stabs you and says shut like " I feel horrible I want to cry " or " I'm so sorry it didn't mean anything ". Yeah I have one of those. Sophie. I would barely consider her a friend coz if I'm being completely honest, I fucking hate her. She says shit like that then go fucks with him. Oh and don't worry she makes sure I know about it too.
I remember this one time she said something like this :
" I have something to tell you "
And then I said
" yeah go ahead " I already knew what it would be like, duh. She spends the night with him obviously their going to kiss.
Anyway she said :
" this morning after the party, I kissed Jackson. I feel terrible after everything that has happened, so terrible I want to cry "
Lmao bitch you wanna cry from happiness. Anyway so I said
" it's fine I don't care coz I'm over him "
And at the time I thought i was. Note the THOUGHT. anyway she said
" but it was like a really long kiss and really meaningful "
I'm sorry but does that sound like she wants to cry from feeling so bad? No she's a fake ass bitch who was over the moon that she got to kiss her crush for the first time. She has like him for almost 2 YEARS!!!! She's fucking obsessed.
Anyway don't ever continue a friendship with someone who does that to you because she won't give in. She constantly reminds me of all my fuck ups with Jackson and I hate it because those were in the past and I'm trying to move on. Like I only kissed him and she always says Shit like
" remember when you kissed Jackson "
And every time I'm tempted to say
" remember when you sucked his dick "
Coz I'm done with her bullshit. Her Instagram bio says " I won " HAHAHAH THATS ABOUT ME. I remember coz when I had my ask fm account I asked her what's your bio about and she put it up for like 20 seconds and deleted it.
I'm sorry but LOL you won a monobrow fuckboy??? HAHAHA GOOD PRIZE BITCH. If you have to go through 2 years of chasing his hairy package to finally get some action, then I don't wanna play lol. Unless it's Niall Horan but it's not.
Anyway thanks guys for listening to my rant I really needed to get that off my system. Thought I should just update you all on my boring ass life. I can't really guarantee you'll here from me very soon as I don't have many plans coming up so no opportunities for something big to happen.
Anyway bye guys ILYYYYYY XOXOXO
