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The buzzer went off and eveyone abandoned their tense stances to walk toward the locker rooms.  Christian moved towards his friends so he could talk to them.  His clothes are always so dorky. I noticed he was friends with a lot of upper classmen.  That's hard to pull off. 

I sighed deeply.  I am thinking way too much about this person that I have never had an actual conversation with.  I wish I could talk with him, fill in the pieces. Talking to boys never goes well for me though. I am an awkward conversationalist. But he is sort of awkward too. In a cute way.

In the locker room I always try to change my clothes as quick as possible. I also try not to look at anybody else because I don't want to make someone uncomfortable. People always tell me, "Oh, you're so pretty," but they don't know what I look like underneath my clothes. I feel like people gives compliments out nowadays just to start a conversation. Not that there's necissarily anything wrong with that, but how do you know if they're just saying it or if they mean it? What difference does it make anyway? I always think about things that don't matter in the end.

At lunch I usually sit with a group of girls that like to read.  Sometimes I sit alone.  Sometimes people try to talk to me.  Sometimes they don't. 

I sit with the group today.  I need socialization.  We get into a heated debate about the end of the Paper Towns movie.  Some don't like it, but the ending carries the message of the whole movie.  If you don't like the end, you don't like the movie.  Not everyone shares my opinion.  The conversation dies down and I glance around the cafeteria.

The only period besides gym that I have with Christian is lunch.  He is in tenth grade, and I am in eleventh.  He sits within my view, a few tables behind ours.  His table is the loudest, and is usually roaring with laughter at something he said.  He plays pranks on his friends frequently. I wish I could make people laugh the way he does.  His eyes crinkle and sparkle all the time from smiling.  It is a wonderful sight.

His friends once invited me to sit with them.  I was sitting alone and two of them came over and asked.  I shocked myself by saying yes.  I guess I was feeling adventurous that day.  Anyway, I got over there and sat between the two boys. But they swore and talked about sports and I didn't really know what to say to them. Christian doesn't swear (which I like) but they did.

I did not sit at their table again.  This seemed like a good plan at the time.

I think that they think that I am snobby for not talking to them again, but really I just don't know how to talk to them.  So now everyone at that table acts weird towards me, including Christian.  He avoids me.  He talks to all the girls but never seems to want to tease me like everyone else. Besides the winking.

There was another thing that concerned me.

Almost all the songs on his EP were about love.  I know he has had multiple girlfriends and has been rumored a player, but he knows more than someone his age should know about relationships.  I am not allowed to date, so maybe my lack of experience further adds to my concern for his surplus of it.  Why am I am concerned about someone that I don't even know?  I enter back into the lunch table conversation to stop myself.

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Hey!  I don't really like this chapter but I think the next one is better.  I don't really know where the inspiration from this story is coming from but I'm going with it.  I'm sorry for how slow it is but life is slow and I'm trying to really build it up and make it realistic. So, anyway have a fantastic day!

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